Scott Cramer wrote this.

Special guest Josh Turner doesn’t seem to mind.

Actual ad for Carrie Underwood concert.

1958 B-Movie “Attack of the 50 Foot Woman” Poster.

I haven’t thanked the Starbucks Gods lately and I really don’t want any bad karma.

So, thanks Starbucks! For all the goodness you provide.

Hey, it beats sacrificing goats, doesn’t it?

Finally, a summer movie that ROCKS. John McClain has Red Bull pumping through his veins instead of blood and kicks more butt in this movie than the other Die Hards put together.

So far as other summer blockbusters, John McClain craps out movies like Pirates 3 after a late night Taco Bell run. I think the movie was supposed to open at the same time as Transformers but they pushed it up - not because they were scared of the competition, but they wanted to educate movie goers to what an action flick is all about before they drop their coinage on a bunch of CGI erector sets. For anyone who’s heart didn’t burst from the pure adrenaline rush that is Die Hard 4, why bother watching another movie this summer? John McClain f’d up the equivalent of Optimus Prime (semi) *and* Starscream (jet) all in the same movie (gotta hand it to the directors for a very subtle tip of the hat to Transformers).

I didn’t have a pic of the semi or jet being blown to smithereens, but here’s a helicopter.

Then with his other hand he finished drinking his liquid rocket fuel espresso and proceeded to kick more bad guy butt. A remarkably agile baddie had Spidey-Jackie-Chan moves in one of many fight sequences that reached out and grabbed you by the testicles - and if you don’t have testicles, it grew you some and *then* reached out and grabbed ‘em - and yanked ‘em over your head just for good measure as John McClain wasted him like Aunt May through a chipper shredder.

Speaking of Spiderman 3, we got a whiny crying Mary Jane Watson singing bad Broadway tunes and fixing omelette’s. Die Hard 4 gives us a crazy butt-kicking Asian hottie *and* John McClain’s tough as nails daughter who, if removed from this film, could have single handedly taken care of the Silver Surfer without any of you having to waste your money on the Fantastic Four Flop summer sequel.

The guy from the Mac/PC commercials did a fair job as McClane’s hacker sidekick who consistently hacked those unsecured PC’s throughout the film (once again I say to the directors, *very* subtle and funny). To be fair, however, I never saw him take out an iPhone in the film so take that Steve Jobs! Homage to 12 Monkeys with Bruce’s bald headed look and references to scenes like the elevator shaft, agent Johnson, and Yippy Kay Yay from other Die Hard films were all noted and appreciated.

I’ve read some other reviews slamming this Die Hard sequel for nonsensical plot and improbably action scenes. Umm, hello!!! It’s a Die Hard movie! This movie delivers exactly what you want from a Die Hard movie. Fans angry that the f-bomb part of the “Yippy Kay Yay” line was drowned out by a gunshot need to stop their bellyaching because this way the film is accessible to take your kids to so you don’t have to go see awful tripe like Bridge to Terabithia which only wants to turn your children into pansies that couldn’t even get a part as dead body extras in a Die Hard film.

Lastly worth noting is that Bruce Willis did a lot of his own stunts and at 50-some years old he must have a member made of dynamite that he blows up in your face and then regenerates and does it all over again because I think I pulled a muscle just watching this film. If you prefer the mosh pit over Dancing with the Stars, then get to the theater immediately, strap yourself in, and have fun watching this flick.

gwen stefani sucks for making me like her music. ac/dc is going to kick my ass next time i see them.

My brother blew a tire this morning swerving to miss some ducks in the road.

I went to pick him up only to find out road debris had literally screwed me on the way to our offices.

That’s the final straw. We’re moving our business off the Indian burial ground.