Porcelain trap door mystery

Does anyone else look in the toilet before you flush or am I just weird and all alone on this one? You know, like looking in the Kleenex before you totally crumple it up and throw it away. I *KNOW* other people have done this because I’ve seen them. The toilet thing… well, I’m not planning on watching anybody anytime soon. I just have a hard time believing that among the five billion people on this planet that I would be the only one. So this leads me to think that if I’m not, then maybe someone else has noticed the same thing I have with some toilets.

I’d swear they have a little porcelain trap door or something in the bottom.

Bear with me (yeah, ha ha, I said bear – get over it) here. When you are concentrating on your “effort” – let’s just leave it at that or who knows what search engines will pick me up for – and you receive the “plunk” sound of object meeting water, then you *know* that *something* is in the bowl. I mean, duh, right? So, you stand up, lean forward, whatever your style is, and before discarding cleaning materials into the bowl, you look to see what you accomplished. And you see… *nothing*! It’s almost like being cheated. C’mon, I did the work, now I want to just see the finished product before I move along! Like, 9 out of 10 times, there’s some evidence. It’s not like I want to take a snapshot or something, but when it’s there 9 times and then suddenly the 10th time nothing is there, well, aren’t you at least curious?

At first I just figured they rolled down and into the very back of the pipe but you just know from the tone of the “plunk” – and especially if there’s bottom splash factor in effect – that there is, like, *no way* it’s hiding in the back of the pipe! I don’t see any rabid carp swimming around the tidy-bowl-blue anywhere – so, what? Is this like the washer/dryer sock mystery? The missing pen dilemma?

Actually I hope not. I still sometimes think maybe it’d be fun to find the planet where all the missing clean socks go – all smelling of spring breeze dryer sheeets – sitting by mountainous piles of pens in all the colors of the rainbow. Now, however, if objects aren’t in the bowl and I havn’t flushed ’em, then I’ll wear one sock and go back to using pencils before I set one foot in any weird universal lost-and-found! So, yeah, I’m pushing for the porcelain trap door theory.

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5 Responses to Porcelain trap door mystery

  1. davesbeachbar says:

    Thank you for pioneering this subject. I have never known how to write about or address this subject. Many a time I have looked in the bowl just before flushing thinking “I don’t remember eating that” or “This much stuff I hope it flushes”. I go back to my favorite line from comedian Ron “Tater Salad” White where he says, “have you ever taken a crap so big that your pants fit better”. So Yes, other people have toilet wonder issues like you

  2. Scott Cramer says:

    Hallelujah! Reaching out to the world to let people know they aren’t alone… *that* is why I blog. 😉

  3. eledteacher says:

    I liken this more to the conversation from Clerks
    “Did you ever try to [bleep] your own [reference to male genetalia]?”

    Anyway, I have looked only on the basis that I worried about the level of tissue I used — thinking only then, crud! I wish I had flushed before loading the basin with so much paper. Otherwise, I am different that you two, in that I assume following the act that I don’t need to visually confirm that the act took place. I’ve been doing it for years and am quite sure that when I complete the process, that I have indeed done just that and that there isn’t a clever little turd troll taking my refuse for the crap harvest. That being written, I would say that I have questioned how my body sorts out what I eat when the noise made (not flatus) is strange.

    You mentioned clink, plunk, which sounds more like change passing. I would worry about this, as I have, when you wonder — what the? When did I eat stones? I’m quite sure that it should be no more remarkable than any previous visit, yet … quickly flush the abberatnt thing, be it normal or alien.

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  5. Pingback: MonkeyJack.com » Blog Archive » The Porcelain Trap Reveals it’s Treasure.

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