Author Archives: Scott

The people who make a difference are the ones who get bored. – Brian Eno I imagine it’s like the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly. Bear with me… You’re all happy being a caterpillar, walking around and eating … Continue reading →

Just when you think you’ve seen everything in the grocery… Half-popped popcorn kernals. In a can. Factory-sealed fresh. You know the kernels in your microwave bag that didn’t quite have enough oomph to pop out of the popcorn shell and … Continue reading →

Cosmic Catch-22 – A married man taking care of a baby is the most desirable to a woman. Same man, no ring or baby, is just another guy who wouldn’t stand a chance with her. Explain that one, Darwin.

So, we go into a fancy restaurant and the receptionist asks how many in our party. “Two, and a baby,” I reply. The waiter asks that we follow him and we proceed to walk about twenty miles to the back … Continue reading →

Every year that goes by it seems my electric shaver gets more and more use further away from my beard. My beard is a little tough anyway, so much that I considered rigging a gas-powered weed-whacker as a substitute shaver … Continue reading →

The Pop-Tart breakfast consortium got me again! Insidious, I tell you. A grown man walking out of the grocery with a double-pack of Power Puff Girls Pop-Tarts – purple frosted with brightly colored candy stars and characters on top. And … Continue reading →

If an alien spaceship landed on the road in front of you and the occupants stepped out and approached you to join them on their return into space, would you go? Remember “Close Encounters of the Third Kind?” Richard Dreyfuss’s … Continue reading →

One whole grocery aisle dedicated to potato chips. Another for colas (or pop, or soft drinks, whatever you like to call them). Yet another just for breakfast cereals – many of which come out with special “limited edition” packaging named … Continue reading →

I always know what year it is. So long as it’s not within a few days of the beginning or end, I know the month. Oftentimes I’m confused as to what day it is. If I didn’t wear a watch … Continue reading →

Reality TV shows… I’ve never been to bootcamp. I’ve never had to survive being stranded on an island or stuck in the Australian outback. Temptation Island? Yeah, right. Unless you’re Angela Lansbury it’s doubtful you’ll really be solving a murder … Continue reading →

Okay, so I let my backyard grass grow a little high. There were fox-tails waving in the wind and my dogs looked like they were roaming the African veldt when I let them out to do their personal doggie work. … Continue reading →

I’ve heard they’ve got spray-on tans now. You go into a booth and spray nozzles hose you down in a golden shower (of tanning solution). I wonder if they make little touch-up bottles that you can dab on an elbow … Continue reading →

So, I’m going through the McDonald’s drive-thru, and I order my wife a Coke-Float. Pretty simple, really. The first thing they ask me is, “What do you want in that?” Err… “Coke.” They rang it up as a “Rootbeer-Float with … Continue reading →

Cold hearted orb that rules the night, Removes the colours from our sight. Red is grey and yellow white, But we decide which is right. And which is an illusion? -Moody Blues song lyrics Sounds an awful lot like freelancing … Continue reading →

I’m walking out of the grocery after a quick surgical strike trip for some odds and ends needed for dinner. Erin and little Maddie were waiting in the car. I’ve grabbed the necessities and a few other things on the … Continue reading →

Whistling – Part II I’m working away on the computer, whistling and really into what I’m doing. In the zone… My wife walks in singing some really old poppy, hurry-up-and-turn-the-radio-station-to-something-else tune. She says, “Now you’ve got me singing it.” I … Continue reading →

Okay, I love the heat. I cut my hair short enough to see my scalp peaking through around all the edges. I switched back to anti-perspirant, even though there are enough extra chemicals in it to shield the space shuttle … Continue reading →

When you get a new haircut and everybody comes up to you and says, “Hey, your new hair cut looks really good!”, you start to wonder what you looked like before…

Did you ever think about pulling a hang-nail? What if it were like pulling a loose thread on a sweater? I mean, suddenly everything starts to unravel until you’ve got nothing but an ex-sweater. What if you pulled a hangnail … Continue reading →

I came to the conclusion while driving that my daughter is going to love roller coasters. If I had any passengers I think they’d agree.