Category Archives: Everything Else

I was listening to the radio in the car the other day and caught one of those sixty-second news breaks. They were talking about how Amtrak would love to scan luggage with the same (perceived) level of scrutiny as the … Continue reading →

I was trying to think of a funny way to write down this story my nephew’s wife told me. In the end, I couldn’t think of anything funnier than just presenting the facts as they were told to me. I … Continue reading →

I was looking at a black and white picture of a woman the other day. I thought, “Man, she’s hot!” Then I thought, “Man, she’s, like, 90 now.” Remember next time you talk to your grandparents, Britney didn’t invent cleavage. … Continue reading →

I had two choices. Change all the light bulbs to red, or take down the Christmas lights before Valentine’s day. Upsetting the neighbors with a bordello ruby glow was rather appealing but, besides the time involved, I didn’t know where … Continue reading →

I was playing with my daughter and trying to teach her how to put different shaped blocks into the same-shaped holes in a little toy bucket. The triangle goes in the triangle hole. The squre goes in the square hole. … Continue reading →

I would love to say the writing muse is a fickle mistress but she’s always hanging around and I’m sure she’d be quite irate if I even tried that lame excuse. She shows up staring back at me on the … Continue reading →

“I’m so embarrassed. I told everyone that Soylent Green is people, but if you read the label closely, it says it’s actually made from “artificial people flavoring.” – Bob Van Voris In the end, what’s wrong with it? I’m sure … Continue reading →

Garlic and hot pepper mashed potatoes are really good for about the first 15 minutes. After about 5 hours they start to get a little old. Hmm… I know! A couple Pop-Tarts and a big bowl of Cocoa Krispies will … Continue reading →

New Year’s Day. Time to reflect back upon the previous year and make resolutions for the year to come. There are, of course, the easy ones – like, I’ll never eat the entire box of donuts by myself again, or … Continue reading →

Twas the night before Christmas… The presents are wrapped – well mostly. A few will get covered in paper and ribbons moments before rushing out the door to meet more family. Santa Claus, however, is all finished with his wrapping. … Continue reading →

Twas the night before the night before Christmas… Last minute shopping ideas (without all that messy shopping). 10 – Re-gift closet. You know what I’m talking about… 9 – Dust off your knick-knack shelves and find a box. Buy something … Continue reading →

What if… Captain Kirk had been a farmer?

Zippers are primal and modern at the very same time. On the one hand, your zipper is primitive and reptilian, on the other, mechanical and slick. A zipper is where the Industrial Revolution meets the Cobra Cult, don’t you think? … Continue reading →

Geez, the comments you get when you complain about people showing Santa’s butt-crack in one article then you kill him off with DECON laced cookies in another article. These must be the same people who tell you not to bring … Continue reading →

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through my house Not a creature was stirring, except for that $%^&* mouse! I’d set all the traps on the counters with care In hopes that the critter would meet his end there! … Continue reading →

12 Days (Musings) of Christmas 12 – What the heck is the fascination with Christmas lights? My neighborhood looks like a redneck version of the Vegas strip – if that’s possible! This year, red, white, and blue Christmas lights join … Continue reading →

WANTED – Honorable employer. Oh yeah, and while I’m at it, how about a goose that lays golden eggs? Heck, I’m realistic. Just give me the bird.

The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn’t require any. – Russell Baker Of course, … Continue reading →

If you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you. – Robert F. Goheen The college industry is a tool for society to place all the square pegs in the square holes and all the … Continue reading →

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. It also doesn’t hurt to pretend that the lemon you’re squeezing the life’s juices out of is the head of your mortal enemy.