Scott Cramer wrote this.

The Amazing Race – Season 9 – Episode 5

Recap = Spoilers. Just ask my brother Keith. 😉

Hippies (BJ and Tyler) – Hot diggity dog! Go Hippy Power! Did anybody else notice their shirts this episode? One said “Bowling” and the other said “Moms”. Remember the “Bowling Moms” team (Linda and Karen) from The Amazing Race 5? Makes me wonder if I’ve missed anything else with these guys.

The Sickening Frat Boys (Eric and Jeremy) – These two talk about “getting chicks” all the time but now that “the sure thing” twins are out of the race, they’re just going to have to settle for each other. They come in second and act all mopey about it. I love Phil’s reaction, “Couldn’t you guys be a *little* more excited?”

Mo Jo (Joseph and Monica) – Well, they weren’t invisible this time around. She turned into Jessica Simpson (post Dukes of Hazzard ditzy version) and he tried to go to “Palamino” Italy. Whoa. Looks like “IQ points” are equal to “boiling point” with this team from the preview we saw of next episode where they have a major meltdown.

Old Couple (Fran and Barry) – These two are the comeback kings. I’d solidly accept “middle of the pack” at this stage of the game. I was worried for a moment they were going to try and carry the 110 pound bell, but they chose the laundry and whipped through it pretty fast (well, as fast as you can tell from the show’s editing). Good: I liked his remark that younger teams might not know what a clothes pin is. So-So: I wonder if they would have tripped up on building the statue if they hadn’t heard another team say it had two extra pieces. Bad: When they were within seconds of the pitstop and another team asked them directions to the roadblock, he responded “Can’t tell you.” Was that really necessary at that stage? I predict bad karma for that one.

Married Parents (Lake and Michelle) – I can just see the proud faces of their children watching as Daddy talks about “those sons of …” referring to the other teams and “fat boy” referring to David. Nice. Real nice. I notice she stays out of arguments with him by pumping up his overinflated ego too. I can just see the two of them at the pitstop. Him: “Honey, after you unpack the bags, go get me a chicken-pot-pie!” Her: “Oh, I will, and it’ll be perfect and hot, just like you!” *insert vomiting sound here* And what was the deal with yielding The Pinks? Bad strategy. Wasted their yield power for the rest of the race and used it on a team that wasn’t a threat. Doh.

Young Love (David and Lori) – I’ll say it again, these two just need some self confidence! I’d love to air-drop Dr. Phil into the race to give them a little pep talk. Heck, maybe they can just stop into a local library and check out a copy of “The Little Engine That Could”. It was downright painful to watch her build that statue like, three times, and not figure out there were two extra pieces while he kept yelling “It’s gotta be part of the thigh!” over and over.

Ray and Yolanda – I’m not exactly sure *what* happened to these guys. If Team Redneck hadn’t yielded The Pinks, I’m pretty sure they would have been out of it. Not a lot to say about these two this time around. I think they’ll make a good comeback next time.

The Pinks (Danielle and Dani) – Na na na na! Na na na na! Hey hey hey! GOOD-BYE!!! Okay, I’ll admit that I almost felt sorry for them when they got yielded – but only because that was an idiot move by Team Redneck and even The Pinks were surprised that anyone considered them a threat. Don’t worry girls, I’m sure Playboy and Larry Flynt both have messages on your answering machines.

The Amazing Race – Season 9 – Episode 4

Recap = Spoilers. You have been warned. Okay, Keith? 😉

The Sickening Frat Boys (Eric and Jeremy) – First to the mat at the half and first to the mat at the end of the game. On the plus side, with the way The Pinks race, we don’t have to worry much about these two teams hooking up during the race. Then again, maybe if they did then they’d both oversleep or something. I might even tolerate The Pinks if the boys woke up tied to a hotel bed together with no clothes or wallets. There’s probably some stupid rule about S&M during the race, though. Hmm… maybe they’d *BOTH* be eliminated then!!!

Hippies (BJ and Tyler) – Favorite #1 – They gave Phil a tip at the mat. The look on his face was priceless. Favorite #2 – The pokey “old west miner dance” while they searched for the Travelocity Gnome. Favorite #3 – Jumping out and scaring the hell out of The Sickening Frat Boys (yeah, so what if it was last episode). Favorite #4 – “Hello Santa!” CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, SOMEBODY GIVE THESE TWO A SITCOM! 😉

Married Parents (Lake and Michelle) – If you love Nascar and Lederhosen, then this is the episode for you!!! If only someone had switched the “stunt” beer bottles at the detour in Germany that they were smashing over their heads with *REAL* ones. Ahh… Hilarity would have ensued! Okay, to give them some props, they didn’t argue quite as much. Plus the scene in the car where he had to tell her to be encouraging. When she started saying “Go baby! You can do it!” It was almost romantic. *wink*

Old Couple (Fran and Barry) – They are winning me back. Maybe it just took a couple legs of the race to get limbered up. Map-reading was definately their forte this episode. I thought the strange German slap-dance was going to be their downfall, but they pulled it out! Perhaps there is something to say for the Lawrence Welk era. Yeah, I know. Cheap shot. 😉

Young Love (David and Lori) – I still like these guys but they really need to start believing in themselves! I think they are choking under pressure. It was cute how guilty they felt when they “told a white lie” to another team about not knowing the direction to go. If they end up in Rome, I’m betting they’ll even hit the confessional on that one.

Mo Jo (Joseph and Monica) – If they can make it down to the final four, I might start recognizing them. They seem nice, though. I bet the producers are just downplaying them because there isn’t any drama. So, I hope they make it further.

Ray and Yolanda – They made fun of Mo Jo when they switched from breaking bottles to dancing. Then Mo Jo nailed it. Na na na! Then they switched, and nailed it! Umm… that’s all I remember about them this race. I think they have taken my “team invisible” prize for this week.

The Pinks (Danielle and Dani) – Oh fate, WHY do you tease me so much? They were *ALMOST* out. But noooooo, Dora the Explorer couldn’t find the damn gnome. Sigh. Since they did make it to the end, though, how about Phil putting on the rubber gloves before taking the gnome? Too funny! 😉

Mother / Daughter (Wanda and Desiree) – “We did it! We did it! We did it! Yay!” Wait a minute, no they didn’t. I have three letters that could have kept these two in the race. M A P. Like, you know you are going on The Amazing Race. Learn to read one. The only truly unfair thing was The Pinks were *FOLLOWING* them and still managed to beat them. Grr.

The Amazing Race – Season 9 – Episode 3

Warning, if you didn’t see the episode, don’t read this. Okay, Keith? 😉

Right off the bat – it’s a “To Be Continued…” episode. Hey, I told you not to keep reading!

The Sickening Frat Boys were first to the mat and Phil tells them… “You’re not done. Here’s your next clue!” Bwahahahah… Now, who are they going to follow? Plus, they were looking forward to a nice little pitstop with The Pinks. Awww… Maybe if both teams just quit and go home, we’d *all* be happy.

They didn’t show who got to the mat next so I’ll talk about the other teams in the same order as last week.

Hippies – Still my favorite team. They were doing great until they got lost in Russia. However, so did quite a few people, so they aren’t knocked out. Since the “pitstop” this time isn’t really the end, they’ve still got a good chance to make up a lot of time. I think my favorite scene was when they reached the first leg of the race early – because of course it was closed – and they jumped out of the dark onto the road to scare The Sickening Frat Boys. If only they’d swerved off the road, broken their legs, and had to be taken to a Russian hospital with large nurses with mustaches and man-hands who like young American boys.

Mo Jo – Still the amnesia team for me. I think I remember them running or driving somewhere. Didn’t they share a cab with somebody?

Young Love – I called them The Geeks last week, but I like them too much for that. Maybe I should call them “Team No Drama That Tries Really Hard”. They’re middle of the pack but they have a fighting chance if they just keep plugging along. They’ll pass by the other teams who invariably will implode because of infighting so that should ensure them top 3 barring any catastrophes.

Ray and Yolanda – Hey, I remembered their names! Pet peeve, though. She’s scared of the water. Umm… So, *why* didn’t he jump off the high-dive into the Russian pool and then dive under to get the clue?!?! She said she’d do it before knowing what it was but other teams read the challenge and then decided. Did I miss something? Also, possible implosion alert, since they mentioned that before this race they’d only been dating long distance.

Mother / Daughter – I said last time I expect an implosion. Not this week, but previews from next week… Ha! Same pet peeve as with Ray and Yolanda. The mom’s biggest fear is water. Oh… Let’s pick her to dive off a high dive and *then* have to go under the water for the clue. Knock-knock. Anybody home? I’m thinking I must have missed some rule this year.

Married Parents – Last week, I said the jury was out on this team. Deliberation is finished. He’s a jerk and she probably deserves him. Him: “I don’t want to go to Russia. It’s cold there.” Him: “I had to wear a speedo, I should have let you do it.” Her: “Blah blah blah…” Well, at least that’s what I remember.

Pinks – Can you sleep your way to the finish line on The Amazing Race? Wonder what their interview tape was like. I’m sure the producers figured out what the “XXX” on the tape case was pretty quick. I just can’t wait for this summer’s “The Amazing Race – Girls Gone Wild” edition. Hey, producers, I know that last season’s “family” race sucked big time, but have you ever heard of overcompensation??? I hope these two come in last before we’re subjected to the episode with the wet t-shirt challenge. I laughed my butt off when they forgot their bag with the clue and their passports and had to leave the side of The Sickening Frat Boys to go back and get it. Unfortunately, with everyone getting lost, they started making up ground.

Old Couple – I’ll be a little sad when they get out of the race. Hopefully soon. But how about right after The Sickening Frat Boys and The Pinks? *fingers crossed*

The Amazing Race – Season 9 – Episode 2

Hippies – You know… I like this team. They’re weird. I’d like to think my brother and I would have been fun like these guys. Maybe not so colorful – pink or magenta or orange pants? I can’t tell – it overpowers the color on the telly. I’m rooting for these guys. Plus they loved the Volkswagons. They are officially invited to Thanksgiving dinner at my house for that alone.

Frat Boys – Oh, I hate this team so much. To know my brother and I applied for this race and to know other people on the ‘net who have applied for this race, and they choose these two sexist Beavis and Butthead idiots? Did I mention I really hate these guys? I think it lowers the quality of the show that they don’t edit out the stupid crap these guys spew about women – like talking about the pinks and “getting into their pants” or talking about team Mo Jo and “too bad she has a boyfriend” because they could really “spank that”. Plus they just follow along to get through the race. It reminds me of all the business majors in college running around copying off each other to get through their assignments. I mean, like, there was ONE person doing something and a hundred others copying. Ah, but I digress with my nostalgic hatred of frat boy business majors. I hope this team drives off a cliff – or worse yet for them, gets lost on Brokeback Mountain.

Mo Jo – This is like the amnesia team for me. I almost had to go look up their name to write this. They make me think of things like “Bennifer” and “Brangelina”. VOMIT VOMIT VOMIT. They seem nice, though, if I can stop vomiting.

Geeks – Probably not fair to call them this, but it’s the first thing that comes to mind. I really like these guys though. They seem really cool with each other and are enjoying the race instead of b*tching about it like some teams. Like, c’mon, did the sisters even ENJOY driving in Brazil?! These two seem like real people.

Black team – Is it fair to call them the “black team”? They’re in the race but I zone out whenever they have screen time. I remember the first season of American Idol, though, and Kelly Clarkson flew under the radar until the very end and then… well, you know. Grammys and all that. Guess we’ll see… I’m suspecting drama between them. Sometimes the quiet ones just snap. If they do, I hope they kamikaze whatever they’re driving at the time into the frat boys. Bwahahahaha!

Mother / Daughter – They seem pretty cool so far as a mother and daughter team go. Still, I’m not very excited by them and figure they’re going to implode at some point. I’m waiting to see how well they do when they are in a country that DOESN’T speak a form of Spanish. They’ve had a pretty good advantage to this point because of this alone. I’m surprised they havn’t done better.

Married Parents – Jury is out. The guy annoys me and the woman is pretty quiet. Shades of a more mild mannered Jonathan and Victoria comes to mind every time I hear him talk. Umm… I don’t have much more to say about them. When I can’t wait for commercials I use their screen time for bathroom breaks.

Pinks – It won’t be long. It won’t be long. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE it won’t be long. When they let the frat boys touch their booties, I felt like turning the channel to classier television, like Jerry Springer.

Old Couple – I really want to see an older couple do well, but these two… Well, I liked them more this episode than last episode. Plus I was rooting for them over the sisters. Still, they are more physical than past older couples on the show, but they REALLY need to start using their brains. They are solidly OUT next show since the herd has already been thinned.

Sisters – Okay, I felt bad that they were crying. But I still cheered that THEY WERE GOING HOME. Last week’s “I peed my pants” or “My panties are falling down” or whatever the heck they were going on about… Sigh. I guess people on reality shows say they forget in the heat of the moment that there are cameras on them AT ALL TIMES, but COME ON. Jeez.