Author Archives: Scott

My daughter has gorgeous long eyelashes which my wife always points out to people came from me. After she says that, I like to chime in seriously with, “Yes, they come in great when I go out in drag.” I’m … Continue reading →

As a special tribute to the Fourth of July, in the wee hours of the morning, I blew up my website! This leads me to the time proven addage that you get what you pay for. I pay $99 per … Continue reading →

The Fourth of July needs a cute cuddly mascot. Christmas has Santa Claus, Easter has that whole bunny thing going, and St. Patrick’s day has those impish little leprechauns. Okay, I know – what about Uncle Sam? I’m as patriotic … Continue reading →

My daughter cut her first tooth recently. What was a cute, “Oh, look she’s biting my nose!” is now more like, “AHHHH! Somebody please detach this baby from my face!” It’s amazing how much that miniscule amount of enamel affects … Continue reading →

Half my readers complained that I had a short posting yesterday. I think there are only about two people reading these things so it’s only one person. I don’t know whether that makes me feel better, or worse.

The doctor told me I have eye strain. I came home and researched it on the Internet for about 10 hours. I still can’t figure it out. full movies onlinedownload movie makerdownload moviedownload lolicon moviesdownload latest moviesdownload ipod moviesfree one … Continue reading →

The Learning Channel (TLC) on cable airs a show called Junkyard Wars. Teams race against each other to build fantastic machines out of anything they can find in an old scrap heap and then accomplish some task – like chucking … Continue reading →

A woman where I work wants to play the “Imperial March” when she walks down the aisle to her betrothed. This was the omnious tune that played whenever the villainous Darth Vader walked into a room in the Star Wars … Continue reading →

My wife and I bought a toy for our one-year-old daughter tonight. It’s a little stuffed dog that plays a recorded sound whenever you shake it or move it – or look at it cross-eyed, for that matter. As we … Continue reading →

Time is inversely proportional to the desire for it’s passage.

Biting Insect Repelling Wrist Band – $2.49 Sunscreen with Insect Repellent – $7.99 (Can’t be too careful!) Anti-Itch Concentrated Lotion – $5.99 (%$#^@& immune mosquitos!) Bactine Antiseptic Squeeze Bottle – $3.99 (thorn bushes) Band-Aid Bandages – $2.79 (lots of thorn … Continue reading →

My wife claims she warned me in a calm monotone voice. “Get up. Now. There is a spider in the bed.” I heard something entirely different. “GET UP NOW! A LARGE HAIRY ALIEN SPIDER IS CRAWLING UP YOUR LEG!” My … Continue reading →

I saw three young girls walking through my neighborhood while I was driving home. The first one was wearing shiny tight red vinyl pants that covered all the way from her ankles up to her anorexic hips where the material … Continue reading →

This is the ICQ message I received a few moments ago when I sat down at the computer. kenr: btw, i’ve discovered a _great_ new browser! Netscape 3.01 with Java and Javascript turned off… 🙂 The effects of code glut … Continue reading →

Where did customer service go? I wrote the hosting company for my website’s domain when I was having a technical problem with the code for a page. I had already spent a number of hours figuring out the problem and … Continue reading →

Pasty white guys should not wear pasty white shorts. Pasty white guys in nothing but pasty white shorts should not stand on their porch with one leg hiked up on the railing. From a half block away at thirty miles … Continue reading →

I started with English: A pretty woman on the beach sold me a large green cucumber which I made into a lovely salad. Went to French: Une jolie femme sur la plage m’a vendu un grand concombre vert de que … Continue reading →

Dear TiVo, I do not want to watch old episodes of “Gomer Pyle”. I do not have any interest in “Bonanza” or “The Brady Bunch”. Yes, I like “Charmed” and I realize Shannon Doherty was also in “Little House on … Continue reading →

Today is Father’s Day. I shall sit around unshaven and in my underwear until afternoon. Just like most other days.