Scott Cramer wrote this.

The Amazing Race: All-Stars - Season 11 - Episode 1

This week’s rundown:

Rob & Amber
THIS WEEK - 1st - Won a resort package in Whistler Canada! Like they can’t afford it themselves.
LAST WEEK - Reviewing tapes of every episode of Amazing Race to profile competing teams.
CBS is a ratings whore. I’ll bet Rob & Amber have already gotten a nice fat check from The Amazing Race whether they win or not. Any takers?

Oswald & Danny
THIS WEEK - 2nd
LAST WEEK - Counseling, from the sounds of it.
Wait-a-minute… I thought Joe & Bill were the obligatory gay couple…

Teri & Ian
THIS WEEK - 3rd
LAST WEEK - Hat shopping with Crocodile Dundee.
I like them. I’d like to see them teach some youngsters a lesson or two.

Eric & Danielle
THIS WEEK - 4th
LAST WEEK - Making vows not to sleep with members of other teams - anymore.
Whoever said whoring and slutting around on national tv wouldn’t get you somewhere!

Joe & Bill
THIS WEEK - 5th
LAST WEEK - Botox.
Can you imagine how arrogant they’d be if they’d actually *won* their original race?

Dustin & Kandice
THIS WEEK - 6th
LAST WEEK - Still recovering from last year’s race.
Maybe they should offer an alliance to the Coalminers.

Uchenna & Joyce
THIS WEEK - 7th
LAST WEEK - Living off the interest on the million dollars they already won.
Did I hear my ears right? They won a million dollars in their original race and they have the audacity to complain about things in their opening interview? Cry me a river folks.

Charla & Mirna
THIS WEEK - 8th
LAST WEEK - Mirna primping for Phil. Charla doing all the work. Just like old times.
Charla! Charla! Charla! Hear we go again folks… I only hope this race we get to see Charla go all medieval on Mirna at some point.

David & Mary
THIS WEEK - 9th
LAST WEEK - Getting Mary’s teeth fixed.
No alliance? No chance.

Kevin & Drew
THIS WEEK - 10th
LAST WEEK - Obviously not running lessons.
Well, okay, maybe David & Mary *do* have a chance.

Who got kicked off?

John Vito & Jill
THIS WEEK - 11th
LAST WEEK - Not realizing how soon they’d be back home.
A really *good* chance. They seemed like nice folks but out of everyone, this team was least memorable to me. They said the first leg helped them to refocus on their relationship - which had faded to only friends - so they’re already winners! Now pack your bags and go the heck home.