[Author's note (added well after the season finale) - After posting the first recap, I was whole-heartedly into watching the race this season, but having already taken a break from the entire blogging scene, I just wasn't ramped back up into writing about it. To my loyal two Amazing Race recap readers (neither of whom are my family - for shame!) I apologize. See you next season! Well, unless the producers come to their senses and finally get my brother and I on the show!]  

The Amazing Race Season 12 Episode 1 Recap

Only 11 legs this season and no elimination rounds. My suggestion for the producers is a hidden immunity idol. Something I noticed this season – look at the CBS official site and click through the teams. Looking at the ages, it is predominantly a 20-something race with a splattering of older folks. The 40-something crowd is nowhere to be seen! Bad news for my Amazing Race application.

Want to see a graphical view of the racers from beginning to present? Click on the below graphic. (Opens in a new window.)

This week’s rundown:

1st Place – Azaria & Hendekea – Brother/Sister – Won a Canada resort trip.
Last Week – N/A
If I can get by the fact I think their training for the race included thinking of as many different ways as possible to say how much smarter they are than everyone else, I might like these two. I’ll let it go this week – since they came in first.

2nd Place – Kynt & Vyxsin – Dating Goths
Last Week – N/A
If Alice Cooper and David Bowie could have had children together… I like the goth duo, though, I really do. If they don’t tire out from carrying an extra 100 pounds of makeup luggage, I think they’ll do well.

3rd Place – Rachel & TK – Dating for almost one year
Last Week – N/A
If you get just the right glance at TK he looks a little like Ben Affleck playing Matthew McConaughey playing a surfer dude. Although sitting here writing this, I don’t remember her saying much, they seemed like a nice couple. I think the old season 9 hippie karma will favor them.

4th Place – Lorena & Jason – Dating
Last Week – N/A
Doctor Phil shout-out! Lorena seems a little umm volatile and he’s one of those silently aggressive dudes. I’m guessing sparks before too long.

5th Place – Nicolas & Donald – Grandson/Grandfather
Last Week – N/A
All American boy and cantankerous old coot. I’m sensing sitcom material here. Fox execs, are you watching?

6th Place – Shana & Jennifer – Friends
Last Week – N/A
I’m sensing Hustler, Playboy, and Maxim drafting invitation letters. I’m not the type to let vane annoying beauty pageant wannabes annoy me into wishing for horrible disfiguring accidents. I am the type, however, to wish for a combination of terrible acne breakout and skin rash that cause them to be detained by health officials in a foreign country long enough to lose the race.

7th Place – Ronald & Christina – Father/Daughter
Last Week – N/A
Awww… every time I saw them this week I could just hear Paul Simon singing that father and daughter song. I’d quote it for you but every time I even do that it makes me cry. Damn that Paul Simon. The Amazing Race editors must not have been able to take it either. I saw in the previews from next week an argument a-brewing. Next theme song for these two sung by dysfunctional dad Ozzy?

8th Place – Kate & Pat – Married Ministers
Last Week – N/A
Lesbians. Ministers. Spunky elderly ladies. It’s like Golden Girls meets 7th Heaven meets, well, lesbians. I like this team. I can’t wait for them to run head-to-head with the All American Boy and Cantankerous Grand-dad. *insert hilarity ensuing here* The only problem I foresee is the 60+ age on one of the couple hindering their ability at physical tasks.

9th Place – Marianna & Julia – Sisters
Last Week – N/A
Is it really so wrong to want Shana & Jennifer to have to Jello wrestle Marianna & Julia? To the death. I think these two could be very nice or very very not-so-nice. I’m leaning toward the latter.

10th Place – Jennifer & Nathan – Dating
Last Week – N/A
Here’s how it will go with these two… “I love you, I love you!” followed by one-on-one camera interviews where they talk about how annoying they find each other and how they don’t think they could ever stay together. Rinse, lather, repeat until they finally get eliminated.

Who got kicked off?

11th Place – Ari & Staella – Best Friends
Last Week – N/A
He said it best, “Karma’s a b****. I’m an even bigger b****.” Okay, so maybe it’s a paraphrase, but stealing that cab early on in the race, gloating about it, then getting totally pwned on the first episode of the season – freaking awesome. I’m almost going to miss hating this team for a few more episodes. Almost.

In the interest of continuity before I post about season 12, I hereby finally put season 11 to bed. Congratulations to Eric and Dani (who, even though they stopped dating, ran a helluva race).

For complete (ergh) information on The Amazing Race: All-Stars (Season 11), check out Wikipedia’s entry. Bet they didn’t drop food rations to starving Bosniaparaguayiraq*cough*astan orphans, though!

Want to see a graphical view of the racers from beginning to present? Click on the below graphic. (Opens in a new window. Takes a moment to load.)

This week’s rundown:

Charla & Mirna
THIS WEEK – 1st
LAST WEEK – 1st, arriving at 9:07am
Wake me when it’s over. This has to be a nightmare. 2 times in first? What the hell did I eat before bed to be tortured like this. Too hot to handle. Barf.

Oswald & Danny
THIS WEEK – 2nd
LAST WEEK – 4th, arrived at 10:18am
Would have been first if they hadn’t stopped for fruit. C’mon guys, the irony of it?

Uchenna & Joyce
THIS WEEK – 3rd
LAST WEEK – 7th, arriving at 10:36am
Even with a 30 minute penalty – marked for elimination – at the mat, they still came in third. After all the airport trouble this week, I don’t even think anyone was close.

Dustin & Kandice
THIS WEEK – 4th
LAST WEEK – 2nd, arriving at 9:47am
No over thinking. No misreading clues. Solid middle of the pack. They could go either way.

Eric & Danielle
THIS WEEK – 5th
LAST WEEK – 6th, arriving at 10:33am
Oooo… they got screwed at the airport this time around. I don’t blame Danielle for breaking down. On her original season I’d totally have given her a hard time about this. Maybe it was all in the editing. Maybe everybody looks better when Mirna is around…

Joe & Bill
THIS WEEK – 6th
LAST WEEK – 5th, arriving at 10:32am
Teri & Ian might be nicer but they aren’t as interesting as Joe & Bill plus these guys do have a chance to win it. I’m glad they’re still in it.

Who got kicked off?

Teri & Ian
THIS WEEK – 7th
LAST WEEK – 3rd, arriving at 10:13am
Not a surprise. Good people but they were not going to win. I would have REALLY rather seen Charla and Mirna here. Well, at LEAST Mirna.

This week’s rundown:

Charla & Mirna
THIS WEEK – 1st
LAST WEEK – 7th, arriving at 2:41am
Argh. First they gloat about putting Rob & Amber out of the race – like they really had anything to do with it. Now they come in first. Maybe next they could give Mirna a megaphone to go with her whistle from last week. Because I really think they could be more annoying.

Dustin & Kandice
THIS WEEK – 2nd
LAST WEEK – 5th, arriving at 1:58am
Well, they didn’t over think this week! Let’s see how long it lasts… However! They did misread ANOTHER clue. Not over thinking doesn’t mean NOT thinking girls!

Teri & Ian
THIS WEEK – 3rd
LAST WEEK – 3rd, arriving at 1:04am
I like them. I just don’t think they can keep it up.

Oswald & Danny
THIS WEEK – 4th
LAST WEEK – 1st, arrived at 12:02pm
Uh-oh… The avalanche beacon was looking a lot like a Rob & Amber arrogance moment. Take a breath guys, you can do it! Hmm… Guess I’m voting for these guys now. Didn’t realize that until just a moment ago. Go not-annoying gay team!!!

Joe & Bill
THIS WEEK – 5th
LAST WEEK – 4th, arriving at 1:55am
Solid players. I mean in the game.

Eric & Danielle
THIS WEEK – 6th
LAST WEEK – 2nd, arriving at 12:06pm
If Oswald & Danny don’t win it, I’m voting Eric & Danielle. They’re silly. Looks like she melts down a little bit next week from the previews though…

Who got kicked off? – NOBODY! Non-elimination week.

Uchenna & Joyce
THIS WEEK – 7th
LAST WEEK – 6th, arriving at 2:38am
I said last week they shouldn’t get cocky. Now they have to come in first next week or suffer a 30 minute penalty at the mat.

This week’s rundown:

Oswald & Danny
THIS WEEK – 1st, Won a trip for two to Maui with kayak trip and submarine tour!
LAST WEEK – 5th, arrived at 6:51pm
Oh, those lovable gay friends. Is this The Amazing Race or a pilot for a sitcom? I like this team, but c’mon editors, I’m sure they talk normal *sometimes*.

Eric & Danielle
THIS WEEK – 2nd
LAST WEEK – 3rd, arriving at 6:28pm
Speaking of editing… Every time he says “boobs” he gets airtime. Regardless, this is my odds on favorite for the win now that Rob & Amber biffed it.

Teri & Ian
THIS WEEK – 3rd
LAST WEEK – 6th, arriving at 6:53pm
They’ll do well. So long as every other team keeps screwing up.

Joe & Bill
THIS WEEK – 4th
LAST WEEK – 7th, arriving at 8:05pm
They had a bad week last week. Personally, I think it was the close proximity to Charla and Mirna. This week, I’d have been racing faster too to get away from those two. They passed Rob & Amber and Dustin & Candice on the detour so fast, they never knew what hit ‘em.

Dustin & Kandice
THIS WEEK – 5th
LAST WEEK – 4th, arriving at 6:48pm
The girls called it better than I could. They overthink *everything*. It must take them an hour just to pick out hairspray.

Uchenna & Joyce
THIS WEEK – 6th
LAST WEEK – 2nd, arriving at 6:26pm
Okay, okay. You’ve beat Rob & Amber twice. Don’t get cocky. You could be watching the show from the couch with Rob just as easily.

Charla & Mirna
THIS WEEK – 7th
LAST WEEK – 8th, arriving at 8:11pm
A whistle? Who the hell gave Mirna a whistle?!? OMG people. She really *can* be more annoying.

Who got kicked off?

Rob & Amber
THIS WEEK – 8th – Literally at a destination dubbed “the end of the world”.
LAST WEEK – 1st, arrived at 6:11pm
Arrogance and stubborness. Rob, you didn’t win survivor, and now you havn’t won Amazing Race *twice*. Think about it. Amber told you that you were wasting too much time building a sign on the detour. Nothing can beat you, except yourself it seems. On the plus side you have some pride in the fact Amazing Race will probably lose half it’s viewership now that you and Amber are gone. Hate to say it, but there were so many other teams I’d have rather seen go first.

This week’s rundown:

Okay… I posted the rundown and the WordPress database chewed it up and swallowed it whole (much like how the Spartans did it to the Persians in the movie 300, based on the epic graphic novel by Frank Miller). The server hadn’t run a backup yet, and so, either rewrite the whole thing or miss a week. By far it was the funniest, most poignant recap I’d ever written and I couldn’t just post a substandard uninspired copy from memory.

Truthfully, I’ve had to post this message twice now too. How have I angered the blog Gods?!??! I went to see the movie 300, based on the epic graphic novel by Frank Miller last night… hoping in some weird way I’ve made up for the bad karma. Yeah, I don’t know what it has to do with anything either… I just wanted to mention the title of the movie (300, based on the epic graphic novel by Frank Miller) for the search engines.

Oh yeah, Rob & Amber won again and David & Mary went home. Pretty sure Charla and Mirna were annoying. See you next week.

This week’s rundown:

Rob & Amber
THIS WEEK – 1st – Each won an off-road motorcycle! Like they can’t afford them themselves.
LAST WEEK – 1st, arrived at 7:42pm
Next season, CBS is renaming the show “The Amazing Race Against Rob & Amber”. Rob is still pushing for the shortened, “The Amazing Rob & Amber”.

Oswald & Danny
THIS WEEK – 2nd
LAST WEEK – 2nd, arrived at 7:53pm
Solid race. Waiting to see the cat fight between them and Team Guido. This race just isn’t gay enough for the both of them!

Joe & Bill
THIS WEEK – 3rd
LAST WEEK – 5th, arriving at 8:25pm
They came in right on Oswald & Danny’s ass. Ironic.

Eric & Danielle
THIS WEEK – 4th
LAST WEEK – 4th, arriving at 8:24pm
They seem oddly quiet – but running a solid race so far.

Uchenna & Joyce
THIS WEEK – 5th
LAST WEEK – 7th, arriving at 8:35pm
Bored. The only reason they are in this race is that they beat Rob & Amber the first time around.

Dustin & Kandice
THIS WEEK – 6th
LAST WEEK – 6th, arriving at 8:34pm
Smart racers but two weeks at 6th doesn’t get you the tiara girls.

Teri & Ian
THIS WEEK – 7th
LAST WEEK – 3rd, arriving at 8:17pm
I still like them, but as an ex-cop I sure wouldn’t have wanted his “attention to detail” on my case. Dropped from 3rd to 7th. Ouch.

Charla & Mirna
THIS WEEK – 8th
LAST WEEK – 8th, arriving at 8:50pm
The first week it was nostalgic to see them. Now someone please shoot them.

David & Mary
THIS WEEK – 9th
LAST WEEK – 9th, arriving at 8:51pm
Alliance with Charla & Mirna? Did they even *WATCH* their own season of the race?

Who got kicked off?

Kevin & Drew
THIS WEEK – 10th
LAST WEEK – 10th, arriving at 9:44pm
I would have pegged them as next out. No surprise. Now Drew can go home and check back into the old folk’s home. Geez.

This week’s rundown:

Rob & Amber
THIS WEEK – 1st – Won a resort package in Whistler Canada! Like they can’t afford it themselves.
LAST WEEK – Reviewing tapes of every episode of Amazing Race to profile competing teams.
CBS is a ratings whore. I’ll bet Rob & Amber have already gotten a nice fat check from The Amazing Race whether they win or not. Any takers?

Oswald & Danny
THIS WEEK – 2nd
LAST WEEK – Counseling, from the sounds of it.
Wait-a-minute… I thought Joe & Bill were the obligatory gay couple…

Teri & Ian
THIS WEEK – 3rd
LAST WEEK – Hat shopping with Crocodile Dundee.
I like them. I’d like to see them teach some youngsters a lesson or two.

Eric & Danielle
THIS WEEK – 4th
LAST WEEK – Making vows not to sleep with members of other teams – anymore.
Whoever said whoring and slutting around on national tv wouldn’t get you somewhere!

Joe & Bill
THIS WEEK – 5th
LAST WEEK – Botox.
Can you imagine how arrogant they’d be if they’d actually *won* their original race?

Dustin & Kandice
THIS WEEK – 6th
LAST WEEK – Still recovering from last year’s race.
Maybe they should offer an alliance to the Coalminers.

Uchenna & Joyce
THIS WEEK – 7th
LAST WEEK – Living off the interest on the million dollars they already won.
Did I hear my ears right? They won a million dollars in their original race and they have the audacity to complain about things in their opening interview? Cry me a river folks.

Charla & Mirna
THIS WEEK – 8th
LAST WEEK – Mirna primping for Phil. Charla doing all the work. Just like old times.
Charla! Charla! Charla! Hear we go again folks… I only hope this race we get to see Charla go all medieval on Mirna at some point.

David & Mary
THIS WEEK – 9th
LAST WEEK – Getting Mary’s teeth fixed.
No alliance? No chance.

Kevin & Drew
THIS WEEK – 10th
LAST WEEK – Obviously not running lessons.
Well, okay, maybe David & Mary *do* have a chance.

Who got kicked off?

John Vito & Jill
THIS WEEK – 11th
LAST WEEK – Not realizing how soon they’d be back home.
A really *good* chance. They seemed like nice folks but out of everyone, this team was least memorable to me. They said the first leg helped them to refocus on their relationship – which had faded to only friends – so they’re already winners! Now pack your bags and go the heck home.

Okay, okay. This is *way* late. I checked my blog stats, however, and nobody is reading these recaps anyway. So, to all of you not reading this, Nah, nah, na, na, nah! Oooga booga!!! Pbbt! See how childish I can be when none of you are looking. Episode 12 wasn’t much except the three remaining teams jockying for position for the final. Well, that plus I misplaced all my notes somewhere and deleted the episode off the TiVo. Oops…

WINNERS OF SEASON 10 THE AMAZING RACE… TYLER & JAMES – EX-ADDICT MODELS!

THIS WEEK – 1st
LAST WEEK – 1st, arrived at
Ex-Addict Models (Tyler & James) – So I’m glad they won… out of the remaining teams. By the timeliness of my post, I don’t have to tell you how excited I really was. Truthfully, they really do seem like okay guys. I think after thinking about it for a month, I’m still just jaded that my application for the race was never accepted. My New Year’s resolution is to just let the bitterness go.

THIS WEEK – 2nd
LAST WEEK – 3rd, arrived at ???
Rob & Kimberly - They came in second. They stayed together. Please don’t bring them back on an all-stars season.

THIS WEEK – 3rd
LAST WEEK – 2nd, arrived at ???
Moms (Lyn & Karlyn) – Ah, if only they hadn’t even made it back into the country. But in the end, I saved my final wish to the Jeanie of the Lamp (R) that more orphans might be adopted by Madonna and Angelina Jolie.

Good episode this week. I didn’t even think about Hippies, Frat Boys, Bowling Moms, or any other season’s teams. Until just now… Darn it. Oh well… My pick for final three will be Models, Rob & Kimberly, and – can’t believe I can bring myself to say it – the Moms. Why? Read on.

This week’s rundown:

THIS WEEK – 1st – Won Sprint Trio 700P’s with 1 year service (I’d have been wishing for a trip!)
LAST WEEK – 1st, arrived at 7:33pm
Ex-Addict Models (Tyler & James) – Why didn’t they yield the Queens? At this stage in the game you need to take out your strongest competition. Just because someone doesn’t like you, is that going to make you do worse in the next leg of the race? Do they really think the Queens are going to date them after the race or something? Silly. On the positive side, they made me laugh talking about the detour. “We have to make the pots, dude, it’s not actually throwing them.” Well at least they knew it was pottery.

THIS WEEK – 2nd
LAST WEEK – 4th, arrived at 9:08pm
Moms (Lyn & Karlyn) – Yielded and still in second place. Ahhh! The epitomy of what I think of this team comes from the following… They get yielded by the Queens and can do nothing but badmouth them with “We already hated them” and “They showed no character” but immediately turn around and flip them off as they pass by. Oooooooo! Now that’s showing great character – and with your kids watching the show too. They almost came in first, but the models were able to run from the mat back to their car to grab a forgotten lucky charm and then still beat them in a footrace to return to the mat again. Maybe if their feet were as quick as their middle finger, they could have done it.

THIS WEEK – 3rd
LAST WEEK – 3rd, arrived at 8:19pm
Rob & Kimberly - These two have traded in their disfunction for lousy luck with automobiles. If they hadn’t made me so miserable in previous episodes I would have felt more sorry for them when their car got a flat and then they couldn’t get the jack to work. In the end, dealing with the stress and adversity will be much better for them than a million dollars.

Who got kicked off?

THIS WEEK – 4th – SAVED BY NON-ELIMINATION!
LAST WEEK – 2nd, arrived at 7:41pm
Beauty Queens (Dustin & Kandice) – So what. They yielded the Moms. There was nobody else behind them to yield so who else could they pick? It’s a game and they are playing to win. “We’re not evil blondes, we’re just competitive blondes.” It didn’t work out for them, but I don’t think it has anything to do with Karma or super-anger-powered Moms. It has more to do with arrogance and not watching where they’re driving. Any other week and I’d say they could come in first next leg so they can stay in the race. However, with only three teams left to go to the final, I think the other teams should – and might – ban together against the blondes to royally screw them over. I don’t want to see this happen, but, like the blondes say, “It’s a game.” Good luck ladies.