Merry Christmas everybody!
Hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday! 
Archive for December, 2006
This holiday season, shopping has been an eye-opener. First the whole “Bath & Body Works” alien cannibal conspiracy, and now I have proof that “Pier One” is linked to nefarious James Bond villain Auric Goldfinger.
Captured with my trusty camera phone - at great risk of life and limb, I might add - is proof.
I don’t know who the anonymous teddy bear was or what he did to have his demise so publicly displayed. Entire body covered in gold paint and left to suffocate.
Just as Jill Masterton, Auric Goldfinger’s secretary, was killed when she betrayed Goldfinger by helping James Bond.
Shop at your own peril.
I was walking through Bath & Body Works with my girlfriend and noticed a *lot* of the items they are serving the public with are food themed.
Twisted Peppermint…
Wickedly Hot Chocolate…
Cinnamon Bun Heaven…
Pumpkin Paradise…
It wasn’t my girlfriend staring at the two-for-one clearence that made the hairs at the back of my neck stand on end. I suddenly remembered an old episode of the Twilight Zone (#89 to be exact) where an alien race came to earth…
…with a book about serving man…
…which turned out to be a cookbook!
If any of you on the Internet can still read this, warn the public! Bath & Body Works is not there to serve you with feel-good lotions and fragrances - they are flavoring us for their cannibal alien masters!
Not what you want to see on your partner’s computer when you come to work…
Of course, homeland security has definately red-flagged my site now. 
Saw this on an employee’s desk…
“inflatable entertainment”
Makes me wonder what kind of prizes we’re giving out to our fundraising customers…
I think if people had the option of taking off their arms before bed, they’d get a lot more sleep.
Some nights I try everything. Under my pillow… at my side… over my head… crossed on my chest… even straight up in the air like some kind of ring-toss game. Nothing works. So, detachable arms just seems like the way to go. Of course, I might just be sleep-deprived too.
