Scott Cramer wrote this.

The Amazing Race – Season 10 – Episode 7

The “six-pack” alliance won’t survive much longer. Moms (‘Bama), Coalminers (Kentucky), and Cho vs. Queens, Models, and Dysfuntion (Rob & Kimberly). If you aren’t strong enough to win the race on your own, then pairing up with other weak teams isn’t going to fix that. Three weak teams working together are not going to beat any one strong team. If you are strong enough and want to carry two weak teams to the end so that you can beat them – well I find that strategy flawed. My opinion is that every weakness you team yourself with is one more chance that *you* are going to be in the bottom racers – if not the very bottom – due to another team’s mistakes or slowness. You may be able to help a weak team stay in long enough to knock out one stronger team, but attrition *is* going to knock out one of your alliance partners. After that, the other partners are going to seriously consider turning the tables on the strongest team within their own alliance so they can avoid being the next to go. Consider a team like the Moms (‘Bama) who, when you listen to them talk throughout the race, will take anything given to them, but in the end have openly stated they’ll do what it takes to win. Cho Brothers, I wonder how you feel watching your “friends” after the race has finished? C’mon folks, a million dollar prize is a powerful motivator. Alliances work on Survivor, not The Amazing Race. In the end there are no votes to make you the winner, just the final dash to the last pitstop.

I said last week that my dream teams for the final three racers would be Queens, Models, and Coalminers. I was being hopeful for the Coalminers just because I can’t stand Rob & Kimberly, don’t respect the Cho’s strategy, and detest the Moms. I’m still hopeful for the Queens and the Models. Coalminers? I’d prefer them over what’s left (not by a lot) but I don’t think they can do it. My guess is the Moms have the best “six-pack” alliance strategy and it will be them or Rob & Kimberly.

This week’s rundown:

THIS WEEK – 1st – Won motorscooters!
LAST WEEK – 2nd, arrived at 3:40pm
Beauty Queens (Dustin & Kandice) – Well played this week girls. You deserved the win. Of course, getting motorscooters from Phil is kind of a gipp – but hey, you can buy your own cool prizes when you win this thing! Oh yeah, and maybe they’ll make you pay for the car you bashed up. I didn’t for one second count it as a dumb blonde moment; I counted it as aggressive. Unless you make one colossal mistake in weeks to come, you *will* be in the finals. Pissing off the Moms at the airport ticket counter? Good move. They’ll be playing with emotion and not logic when it comes to you two and that – hopefully – will be fatal to them.

THIS WEEK – 2nd
LAST WEEK – 6th, arrived at 4:55pm
Ex-Addict Models (Tyler & James) – Let’s just sum it all up boys. “STOP MAKING STUPID DECISIONS!” Ask the locals, read the map, just take a few extra minutes and pay attention. You did pretty well this week but it was touch and go for most of the episode. You can’t count on everybody else to screw up worse than you – you have to do better than them, even at their best.

THIS WEEK – 3rd
LAST WEEK – 3rd, arrived at 3:53pm
Rob & Kimberly - This week, back to the bickering that we are used to with these guys. Blah blah blah. I’m going to be so disgusted if they win.

THIS WEEK – 4th
LAST WEEK – 5th, arrived at 4:18pm
Erwin & Godwin - Well, they explained their reasoning for the six-pack alliance. They havn’t lost their confidence as I first said, they just have a really stupid strategy. Carry the weaker teams into the final three so you can then step up to the plate and win the whole thing. Only one team can step on the mat at a time, boys. I already said it earlier, with the alliance in the bottom three players of the game, it’s going to break apart – and soon. I’d find these two much more likable racers if they’d tell their friends, “Hey, we’ll buy you a helluva dinner, but we have a race to win. Bye.”

THIS WEEK – 5th
LAST WEEK – 4th, arrived at 4:10pm
Moms (Lyn & Karlyn) – I don’t like this team. It’s a one-way street with them. You help them. They use you up and throw you away. I think they’re kind of like the anti-Bowling-Moms from seasons of old. Disclaimer: If you do like this team, please skip the next part.
*** And now, a mini-play starring the Moms and Satan. ***
Lyn: Hey Kentucky, hey Chos, we don’t know how to do anything!
Karlyn: Don’t give us a hint. Please just do it for us.
Satan: Yes. Do it now or feel my wrath!
Lyn: Shh! Satan, stay behind us – we’re God fearing Alabamans!
Karlyn: Yeah, back off. We won’t need you for another episode.
Satan: But I must knife the other teams in the back. Especially that yappy coalminer’s wife.
Lyn: Not yet, Satan, they’re still our very best ever friends forever and ever!
Karlyn: Or at least until we can make the final three without them!
Everyone: Hee hee hee!

Who got kicked off?

THIS WEEK – 6th – SAVED BY NON-ELIMINATION!
LAST WEEK – 1st, arrived at 12:37pm
Coalminers (David & Mary) – Two times saved! I’m betting the Muslim team Bilal & Sa’eed from episode one are honked off. Remember them? They got kicked off indiscriminately half-way through the episode and these guys luck into *TWO* non-eliminations. They already did a fast forward so that’s no longer available to them – even if the Chos or Moms were silly enough to give one to them. Next week, they have to do the whole thing on their own *and* make it to the mat first or suffer a 30 minute penalty. I’m thinking they *can’t* wait for two other teams no matter how much they want to stick to their alliance. If he puts a gag on her, I give them half a chance.

Next week’s preview… Something new coming up called an “intersection”? Somehow one of the alliance teams are forced to team up with this episode’s first placers – the Queens. Interesting. If it’s the Moms, we’re going to see blood.

The Amazing Race – Season 10 – Episode 6

Good episode. Figured the Coalminers would be out but they came in first! Figured the Cho brothers would be a cool team this year but they’re morons. Figured the Beauty Queens would be morons but they’re solid racers. Figured Rob & Kimberly would implode, but they’ve embraced their collective dysfunction and work well together. Figured the Moms would be the new “Bowling Moms” but I’d rather hit myself in the head with a bowling ball than watch them. Figured the Models would be stuck-up frat boys but they’re pretty likable. Figured Peter and Sarah would be annoying and… hey I got *ONE* right! What a year.

My dream teams for the final three racers? Queens, Models, Coalminers. Why? Read on…

This week’s rundown:

THIS WEEK – 1st – Won a trip to a super duper resort in Jamaica!
LAST WEEK – 7th, arrived at 6:04am – SAVED BY NON ELIMINATION!
Coalminers (David & Mary) – There’s no way you guys’ll win the whole enchilada (that’s foreign food by the way). You got *lucky* with the equalizers early on in the race; you started two and a half hours later than the second to last place team and a full five hours later than the first place team and still got to catch up with everyone. You *followed* the Moms and the Cho Brothers instead of trying to get ahead! The Cho’s *gave* you the fast forward that let you come in first. Note – In the end Peter and Sarah were so late that you wouldn’t have lost but that wasn’t something you could count on. But I guess you do deserve to still be here. You aren’t the most annoying team. You aren’t the team with the worst luck. You aren’t the dumbest team. That last one is thanks to the Chos, but I’ll save that for their recap…

THIS WEEK – 2nd
LAST WEEK – 2nd, arrived at 1:06am
Beauty Queens (Dustin & Kandice) – Solid players. These two could really be the first all female team to win The Amazing Race. They made a bit of a mistake not filling up their camel feed bags all the way on the challenge, but hey, they recovered – and fast. I’m anxious for next week. I think they’re my new favorite team. *ESPECIALLY* when I saw them in the preview fighting with the Moms.

THIS WEEK – 3rd
LAST WEEK – 3rd, arrived at 1:42am
Rob & Kimberly - Okay, who parachuted in Doctor Phil when I wasn’t looking? I think she realized she’s stupid and he realized he’s a jerk and they’re both okay with it. When they don’t argue they run a solid race. Figures.

THIS WEEK – 4th
LAST WEEK – 5th, arrived at 2:03am
Moms (Lyn & Karlyn) – Allied with the Coalminers and the Cho Brothers. It’s like they have six heads instead of two. It is a *great* alliance for them since in the end they won’t hesitate one second to slit the other team’s throats. I’m not sure anymore if I want *them* out first or the Cho brothers for being so freaking stupid. But, once again, I’ll save that for their recap…

THIS WEEK – 5th
LAST WEEK – 4th, arrived at 1:53am
Erwin & Godwin - Finally. The Cho Brothers recap. WTF are you two guys doing?!?! You guys aren’t channeling The Hippies from last season – you’re channeling Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie from The Simple Life. Geez, guys. Do you remember anything in the application for The Amazing Race about it being a *RACE* and maybe something about a *MILLION DOLLAR PRIZE*??? Ten minutes ahead of the Moms at the beginning and… you wait for them. Yeah, that’s *exactly* what I would do. The Moms and the Coalminers follow you guys to the first stop and you let both of them get a place in line for the detour ahead of you. Umm… Yup, I’m sure I’d do that too. Then – in last place – you help bluff the other teams from taking the fast forward, walk out with the Coalminers, and then give them the fast forward – because they really need it. Umm… Why not just write them a check guys? But hey, you’re right, I’d do that too. Was that enough ignorance for one episode? Nope. You tell the Moms – when you are ahead of them – where to find a shop in a very confusing Kuwait market. You also give up any confidence of your own in finding the challenge and decide to *follow* the Moms because you figure they know where they’re going. Umm guys, you do know that they usually follow you, right? You finally break off on your own but it was too late, they beat you. Well, that’s incorrect really. You beat yourselves. Go home guys. It’s sickening to think I applied for this race with my brother and we’re sitting at home writing about it while you f*ck it all up.

THIS WEEK – 6th
LAST WEEK – 6th, arrived at 3:37am
Ex-Addict Models (Tyler & James) – Hmm… thinking back, these guys seem to have pretty bad luck traveling or I think they’d place a lot better. Aside from that, when they don’t talk about being ex-drug-addicts they’re pretty likable for pretty-boy models and I’d like to see them stay in this race until the end. Cute quote I wanted to point out. One of the models – I can’t really tell them apart – points out while driving around Kuwait (which unfortunately they did way too much of since they spent so much time being lost) that “Gas must be pretty cheap out here.” Kick it in gear next leg guys. Three weeks of sixth place won’t cut it.

Who got kicked off?

THIS WEEK – 7th – ELIMINATED!
LAST WEEK – 1st, arrived at 12:54am
Peter & Sarah - You know what? They didn’t come on the race to win a million dollars. They came on the race to see if they could be a couple. They bickered their way through this leg of the race and were more in last place than the coalminers were last week. But they won, really. They found the answer to their question. A resounding NO. Peter, being politically correct, “We’re good friends, not a couple.” Sarah, being honest – sitting alone at the end where normally both couples are together for the final interview – “He’s not nurturing or kind.” I’m glad you saw that Sarah, or you really were handicapped, and not because of the leg. The *individual* futures for these two? Let me get out my crystal ball. Peter – Your current patients saw you on the show and decided you should stick to machines that don’t have *any* human parts attached. Put in that resume for robot-repair at Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Sarah – Any prosthetic doctors out there? Give the girl a call – she’s in the market for a new leg-man. Who knows, maybe the two of you could end up on a couples version of Survivor…

The Amazing Race – Season 10 – Episode 5

Well, this week introduced another one of the new race rules. Whereas in the last several seasons the last place team in a non-elimination stayed in the race but lost everything but the clothes on their backs, this year they get to keep them. However, the last placers must now come in *first* on the next leg of the race or be assigned a 30 minute penalty. If you’ve been keeping track of the finish times for each leg of the race, even if the last placers come in second, it could be touch and go for them to keep from a real elimination.

Other than that, I felt this week was a return to stereotypes and too many equalizers.

This week’s rundown:

THIS WEEK – 1st – Each won a gym system!
LAST WEEK – 2nd, arrived at 2:17pm
Peter & Sarah - OMG! He’s more fake than her leg. The metal one. I’m thinking she’s seriously going to have to look for a new doctor when they finish with this race. After last week’s childish performance by Peter, he woke up and smelled the coffee. Not to be a better person, but that there are cameras on him and maybe he should put on an act and try for a Discovery Cable TV show. Oh, and while you’re hamming it up doc, don’t forget to hit on the beauty queens once or twice in front of your partner who’s obviously enamored of you. I’m starting to understand why she’s played up the fake leg angle. It’s the only way she can get your attention.

THIS WEEK – 2nd
LAST WEEK – 7th, arrived at 3:46pm
Beauty Queens (Dustin & Kandice) – I’m starting to like them more and more. Of course, the fact that they don’t care for Peter doesn’t hurt either. They’re still playing smart – and tough. They hold onto their information and *play* the game. They even went so far as to hush their cabdriver from telling another team’s cabbie any information. Rude, you say? And what would you do in a *competition* for a *MILLION DOLLARS* eh? Body waxings and peroxide don’t come cheap people.

THIS WEEK – 3rd
LAST WEEK – 1st, arrived at 1:47pm
Rob & Kimberly - Her (while driving in India): “Oh look, a homeless cow.” The Amazing Race producers even added a silly sound effect to the audio track for this one. *AND* on the train, she complained about the people and the smell saying something to the effect of, “I want to ride with the rich people.” Way to make the parents proud Kimberly. However, they’ve got two weeks of top-3 under their belt. They could very well turn into annoying *millionaires* at this rate.

THIS WEEK – 4th
LAST WEEK – 4th, arrived at 2:28pm
Erwin & Godwin - These guys crack me up. They had a fake cell phone on a train and made it look like they were booking tickets early just to mess with Peter’s head. Hilarious! However, it kind of backfired when studly looking Peter borrowed a *real* cellphone from someone elsewhere on the train. Plus, dudes, what’s with the tight alliance with the Moms? You’re smart and in shape. Where’d you lose all your confidence? Lastly, shirts with Phil’s face and the caption “LOST” with “Reward. Bushel of Kiwis”??? Even Phil seemed confused. All in all, these guys only have a week or two left unless they kick it into gear.

THIS WEEK – 5th
LAST WEEK – 6th, arrived at 2:53pm
Moms (Lyn & Karlyn) – Less annoying this week. Not so much that I want to write about them.

THIS WEEK – 6th
LAST WEEK – 3rd, arrived at 2:21pm
Ex-Addict Models (Tyler & James) – Two built manly men and they choose the barefoot robe-wearing arts and crafts make a pattern on the ground out of colored wheat challenge over subduing a small croc with the help of locals who do all the work – and knowing that The Amazing Race producers would never let them get eaten because of liability insurance. I guess after all their going on and on about defeating drug addiction, alligators are too tough. Either that or the arts and crafts let them reminisce warmly about their good ‘ol rehab days. Dropping fast guys.

Who got kicked off?

THIS WEEK – 7th – SAVED BY NON ELIMINATION!
LAST WEEK – 5th, arrived at 2:49pm
Coalminers (David & Mary) – I knew when they came in last, it was going to be a non-elimination round… I just knew it. It couldn’t have been *LAST* week with Tom & Terry. Well, at least she stopped complaining so much about her ankle this week. Reasons for last? (1) They got dorked on a flight schedule and were playing catch-up most of the show. (2) They thought Doctor Idiot (Peter) & Sarah and the Beauty Queens were behind them and had a false sense of security. They’ve watched the show and should know that unless you can *SEE* a team behind you, then you can’t be sure. (3) She wears him down with b*tching. She loves him, but she just doesn’t shut up. He probably works in a coal mine deep under the earth just to get some peace and quiet. (4) Same as other teams – poor choices. She’s got a rough and tumble husband and she’s not frail. They should have done the challenge with the alligators – not the more detailed art project. No offense, but unless it specified Elvis on velvet, artistic was not the way to go. They’ll be gone next week.

The Amazing Race – Season 10 – Episode 4

After the length of time it took me to post last week’s recap, *I* was almost eliminated. I channeled a little bit of “TTOW!” Hippy Power myself this week to get the recap out on time.

Overall aggravation this season – there are too many equalizers. Nobody who gets out ahead can stay there. I wouldn’t mind seeing a group of racers in the front of the pack battling for first and a group in the back of the pack battling *not* to be last. Add in a few more fast-forwards and yields to allow the front and back of the pack to shake it up a bit. Oh yeah, and a very special rule I just made up – every time a team whines or b*tches, penalize them five minutes. Of course, some of the teams from this season (thinking Mom’s, Coalminers, Rob/Kimberly, Peter/Sarah) might not arrive at the pitstop until 2028.

This week’s rundown:

THIS WEEK – 1st – Each of them won a jet-ski!
LAST WEEK – 3rd, arrived at 11:26am
Rob & Kimberly - The *only* thing good about them coming in first is that I didn’t have to listen to them yell at each other as long this week. Perhaps the adversity is doing them well – even *THEY* want to finish fast just to not have to deal with each other. Unfortunately, they have the ability to be a capable team if they shut up. Best line of the week – and believe it or not, it’s not them yelling at each other – is from Rob while passengers in a Vietnamese taxi. “I’m done talking with foreigners.” Umm, Rob, there are over 83 million people in Vietnam and *you* are in *their* country. Who’s the foreigner?

THIS WEEK – 2nd
LAST WEEK – 5th, arrived at 11:29am
Peter & Sarah - Well, The Amazing Race producers didn’t center strictly on her fake leg this week. It did figure prominantly in one of the challenges (rope climbing a sheer rock cliff) so I didn’t mind and she was edited pretty tolerable. On the other hand, Peter came off as a complete d*ck. “Throw the handicap placard out and tell them you’re next in line.” he says at the challenge. Not to mention, it’s a climbing challenge and he lets *her* do it. Hello?!? The whole time he’s rowing their boat he tells her to keep quiet when all she is doing is offering encouragement. Then at the detour challenge he throws a hissy and gives up – followed by saying after they are through with this, he’s done. The *most* interesting thing? In a side interview after they finished with the challenges and are headed to the pitstop, Sarah comments to the camera how hurt she was with his attitude. Peter reaches his right hand up and scratches behind his ear – with his middle finger! I swear. Check your TiVo’s and see for yourself. Plus, he made an almost imperceptible grin when he did it. Sarah, find a new doctor/engineer to build your legs. Peter, you’re on your own – nobody builds prosthetic “tact” or “caring”.

THIS WEEK – 3rd
LAST WEEK – 2nd, arrived at 11:22am
Ex-Addict Models (Tyler & James) – Solid team this week. Just, well, kind of boring. At least they didn’t go on and on about the adversity they’d overcome in their past or their modeling career. Well, at least they make boring look good. Maybe if they were actors they’d have that extra dimension. They’re strong racers and unless they really screw up they’ll be around a while.

THIS WEEK – 4th
LAST WEEK – 1st, arrived at 10:55am
Erwin & Godwin - The Hippies from last season had their bad weeks, and although 1st to 4th isn’t great, it’s not that bad either. Remember guys – positive attitude. After getting lost at the very beginning of the race, I think they were shook up and just never really recovered.

THIS WEEK – 5th
LAST WEEK – 7th, arrived at 11:32am
Coalminers (David & Mary) – Oh my G*d. “My ankle hurts. My ankle hurts.” Just cut the d*mn thing off and have Peter build you a new one. For a self-proclaimed reality show junkie, did you ever really *watch* The Amazing Race? I mean, c’mon, you have to umm… RACE! You know, like with your feet and ankles and everything. Yeah, you’re hurt – but suck it up.

THIS WEEK – 6th
LAST WEEK – 6th, arrived at 11:31am
Moms (Lyn & Karlyn) – Nope, still don’t like ‘em. If they can keep from making any really big errors, though, they’ll stick around another week or two.

THIS WEEK – 7th
LAST WEEK – 4th, arrived at 11:27am
Beauty Queens (Dustin & Kandice) – Note to all other racers – don’t destroy your clue. Or, if you do, memorize it before you get it all wet and it shreds to illegible pieces. Another note to all racers – when you are fighting with each other just have a good cry on each other’s shoulders and everything is all fixed. Bad week, but I think they’re still in it.

THIS WEEK – 8th – Eliminated!
LAST WEEK – 8th, arrived at 11:48am
Gay Team (Tom & Terry) – I’m sad to see these guys go. They had the most functional relationship in the race *and* they had personality. I don’t think the producers needed to play so much on the “gay” angle. Although, “Pick up your Vietnamese dong” was a pretty funny line at the beginning of the show (referring to the local currency) especially from these two. Tom was complaining in the boat when he couldn’t row it but, by golly, he jumped into the ocean and started pulling it when they got stuck. Super heterosexual Duke (eliminated last episode) would have even been proud.

The Amazing Race – Season 10 – Episode 3

I’m a little late with the Episode 3 recap. All those Hollywood meetings to discuss my screenplay for “The Amazing Race Musical Broadway Show” have just eaten up my entire week.

This week’s rundown:

THIS WEEK – 1st – Won a state of the art home entertainment system!
LAST WEEK – 8th, arrived at
Erwin & Godwin - Oh yeah! These boys have been channeling some Hippy power from last season. At the moment they paused in the race to reflect on the history behind one of the challenges – “It is a significant place and it is a place we wanted to honor properly even though it meant that we would be in last place” – they got some major good karma points. What goes around comes around. 1st place baby! If I even see a hint of tye-dye next episode, I’m putting some money down with my bookie.

THIS WEEK – 2nd
LAST WEEK – 2nd, arrived at
Ex-Addict Models (Tyler & James) – I don’t remember a lot from them this leg of the race. Sobriety has definately helped their careers but years of abuse seems to have taken a toll on their personalities. *yawn*

THIS WEEK – 3rd
LAST WEEK – 6th, arrived at
Rob & Kimberly - Shoot me. Shoot me now. No, wait – just shoot both of these two. If you only have one bullet, just shoot her. I’ve yet to see an Amazing Race couples therapy book come out so I wish the dysfunctional would just stick to Doctor Phil or Jerry Springer.

THIS WEEK – 4th
LAST WEEK – 5th, arrived at
Beauty Queens (Dustin & Kandice) – Cho brothers beware. I think the beauty queens may be more than skin deep. You could even find a tiara sticking out of your back – especially if you listen to Tom and Terry who argued that the queens cut them in line at the airline ticket counter. Whether or not they did – who cares. Smart moves win the game and they aren’t in the running for Miss World Politeness here. I think they could make it to the finals – especially if the show visits many damp countries where rust could take it’s toll on one of the other strong teams.

THIS WEEK – 5th
LAST WEEK – 1st, arrived at
Peter & Sarah - Hey, did anybody notice the girl on this team has a fake leg? Whoa.

THIS WEEK – 6th
LAST WEEK – 9th, arrived at
Moms (Lyn & Karlyn) – They annoy me. And when they get kicked off, I bet they end up doing Oprah. Grr.

THIS WEEK – 7th
LAST WEEK – 7th, arrived at
Coalminers (David & Mary) – They’re still in it. Despite her mouth and twisted ankle and his Viet Nam nostalgia about his father, they somehow still managed to finish this leg of the race. I call foul that their major task involved working with coal – which is something a coalminer should be pretty at home with. That’s as unfair as having me in the race and making my challenge all about sarcasm.

THIS WEEK – 8th – Would have been second if not for a penalty!
LAST WEEK – 4th, arrived at
Gay Team (Tom & Terry) – Boys boys boys. Slow down and follow the clues to the letter! These two rode a motor bike from one point of the race to another – when it was expressly forbidden. This cost them a half hour wait at the check point and an almost elimination! After this week’s scare, I expect to see these two toughen up a bit in the next leg of the race.

THIS WEEK – 9th – Eliminated!
LAST WEEK – 3rd, arrived at
Duke & Lauren – Not a good week for the rainbow coalition. The boys in second to last and Duke and his gay daughter eliminated. He may not have a million dollars but he seemed to win some appreciation for his daughter. Maybe The Amazing Race really *is* better than Doctor Phil! Hang on Rob & Kimberly, there may just be hope!