You can read it.
I fell asleep holding my laptop. When I woke up in the morning my leg was *really* hot and kind of hurt. I put the laptop on the floor and my legs were red where the laptop was sitting. Not unusual. The batteries in these things do get pretty warm. Then I saw a raised blister - where it had actually *burned* me!
My girlfriend pointed out that I had been branded by my laptop.
Then she laughed and added, “Just like a cow.”
Does anyone else look in the toilet before you flush or am I just weird and all alone on this one? You know, like looking in the Kleenex before you totally crumple it up and throw it away. I *KNOW* other people have done this because I’ve seen them. The toilet thing… well, I’m not planning on watching anybody anytime soon. I just have a hard time believing that among the five billion people on this planet that I would be the only one. So this leads me to think that if I’m not, then maybe someone else has noticed the same thing I have with some toilets.
I’d swear they have a little porcelain trap door or something in the bottom.
Bear with me (yeah, ha ha, I said bear - get over it) here. When you are concentrating on your “effort” - let’s just leave it at that or who knows what search engines will pick me up for - and you receive the “plunk” sound of object meeting water, then you *know* that *something* is in the bowl. I mean, duh, right? So, you stand up, lean forward, whatever your style is, and before discarding cleaning materials into the bowl, you look to see what you accomplished. And you see… *nothing*! It’s almost like being cheated. C’mon, I did the work, now I want to just see the finished product before I move along! Like, 9 out of 10 times, there’s some evidence. It’s not like I want to take a snapshot or something, but when it’s there 9 times and then suddenly the 10th time nothing is there, well, aren’t you at least curious?
At first I just figured they rolled down and into the very back of the pipe but you just know from the tone of the “plunk” - and especially if there’s bottom splash factor in effect - that there is, like, *no way* it’s hiding in the back of the pipe! I don’t see any rabid carp swimming around the tidy-bowl-blue anywhere - so, what? Is this like the washer/dryer sock mystery? The missing pen dilemma?
Actually I hope not. I still sometimes think maybe it’d be fun to find the planet where all the missing clean socks go - all smelling of spring breeze dryer sheeets - sitting by mountainous piles of pens in all the colors of the rainbow. Now, however, if objects aren’t in the bowl and I havn’t flushed ‘em, then I’ll wear one sock and go back to using pencils before I set one foot in any weird universal lost-and-found! So, yeah, I’m pushing for the porcelain trap door theory.
Some days you’re the artist.
Some days you’re the sidewalk.
The fine print reads:
Land includes spacious underground workshop complete with latest alien technology. Germ free alien autopsy room kitchen newly tiled to cover up green alien goo. Will throw in fixer-upper UFO German concept car no charge.
I’m *SO* calling my realtor!
Looks more like a one fingered salute to Stevie Wonder.
Maybe they shouldn’t have hired a blind graphic designer.
I was brushing my six-year-old daughter’s hair after her shower and she asks me out of the blue, “Why do you have fur?” I told her that boys just grow more hair than girls. She pets the hair on my arm and says to me, “Dad, when you get older you’re going to turn into a monkey.”
I program thousands of lines of code, implement dynamic database driven websites, and create marketing campaigns, but you know what I get noticed for? I took a cardboard box, a knife, and some scotch tape and made a deflector for a window air conditioning unit to divert some cold air to one of the sales rep’s desks in the corner of the room. One of my partners walks into the office area and immediately says, “Wow! Who made the cardboard deflector? That’s cool!”
Obviously, I’ve missed my calling.
What guys think.
What women want?
Bath and Body Works.
Approximately 5,965 scents for women.
3 for men.
For Father’s Day.
On Sale.
And they smelled like bad deodorant.
My girlfriend read my post on fashion the other day and found this book for me at a garage sale.
Ha ha. I opened it up and the first picture looked strangely like the coat I bought this winter.
Plus, looking at it further, the book did have some pretty good tips…
Tip #1: Don’t wrap your scarf too tight or your head will pop off.
Tip #2: Don’t forget to buy a belt.
Tip #3: Don’t starch your t-shirts.
Tip #4: Don’t make your girlfriend wait to go to bed while you post on your blog. 