Nashville Star is over… America’s Next Top Model has wrapped… Amazing Race is won… Survivor is finished… American Idol is all but gone… What’s a reality TV junkie to do?
Season 2 of Hell’s Kitchen – Premieres Monday, June 12th
and
Rockstar: Supernova – Summer 2006
I know what’s going to happen. They’ll end up back to back and I’ll be forced to buy a dual channel TiVo. Oh, twist my arm, networks… 
Best Buy created what they call the Geek Squad for all your computer needs.
F’ing Poser
Geek-chic highwaters and a 1980’s IBM suit and tie look with sunglasses to hide the total clueless look when you ask him anything technical.
Real Life
Business owner, programmer, marketer, and – when needed – real tech geek. I save my suit and tie for really dirty jobs. Like prostituting myself to a soulless corporation.
Oh yeah, wait… I don’t own a suit and tie anymore. ‘Nuff said.
No joke! These are actual pinatas at Wal-Mart. I think they’re from the Stephen King collection.
ZOMBIE SHREK
PET CEMETARY CAT IN THE HAT
Although, to give the pinata-maker credit, I’d beat the hell out of these things with a stick! Of course, it would be out of sheer terror.
I don’t have the picture that actually goes with this story, so I’ll use this one taken a few minutes before.
I’m walking with my girlfriend around the pond in the center of her neighborhood. First, we come across the two big dogs in the picture above. They’re just staring as we go by on our first lap of the pond. Not a whimper, nothing. Second lap around I walk up to them and they are as friendly as can be. Cool! So I take their picture.
This lap, we get a few houses further down and there is another dog out on a tie-down in a backyard – looks exactly like one of the friendly dogs. I stop to look and the dog faces me, puts his head down, and freezes looking directly at me. I holler up at the owner at the back of the house, “Is he friendly?”
Nothing.
I repeat, “Is he friendly?”
She answers, “He can be.”
By this time the dog is all “Cujo” scary and straining against his tye-down. “He can be?” Uh-huh, thanks for the straight answer lady. Quickly left. No picture.
If only spam filters worked in the kitchen…
I’m sure this stuff would taste lovely right after the apocalypse, but until then, I think it best to just keep it in the bomb shelters.
A couple days ago I was driving to the office. It was about lunch time and I called ahead to see if anyone wanted me to pick up lunch for them. One of our salespeople, Sue, answered the phone and put me on hold while she checked with everyone. It was a nice afternoon and I turned up the radio while I was on hold. Guilty pleasure song from the 80’s “Karma Chameleon” by Culture Club with flaming lead singer Boy George was playing. I’m a closet car singer so I just started belting it right out.
“Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon! You come and go… You come and go-ooo-oooo-ooooo!”
No stop signs. Nobody looking. No problem.
“Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dream! Red, gold, and greeeeen!”
Then, right before the repeat, I realized something. I was STILL ON THE CELLPHONE! My voice fell somewhere to my knees while my hand shot out to turn down the radio volume.
And this is where I realized the universe isn’t always out to get me.
There was still hold music on the cellphone!
Unclench.
Breath.
Hang up (she’d call me back).
And… Continue singing!
“I’m a man without conviction… I’m a man who doesn’t knooooow… How to selllll a contradiction…”
“You come and gooooo…”
“You come and go-ooo!”
Oh yeah!
The Amazing Race – Season 9 – Episode 12 (Final)
There were actually two legs to this last episode. The first leg pretty much just let everyone jockey for position. Everything shook out pretty much the same. Ray and Yolanda came in third and had to give up all their possessions. Not speaking the language in Japan and having to beg for yen really sucked and probably helped contribute to their third place standing. Well, that and Ray getting slapped on the butt by a Japanse guy at the toll road. But I digress… On to the post!
THIS WEEK, Final Leg – 1st – ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!
THIS WEEK, 1st Leg – 1st, arrived at 12:18pm
LAST WEEK – 1st, arrived at 11:18am (with the help of the Fast Forward)
Hippies (BJ and Tyler) – TTOW!!! The Hippies did it! I have to say, I thought the Frat Boys were going to take it all the way to the bank. I was worried when BJ started messing up on the flag order but it was joyous to see them come in to the last challenge after the Frats and make it out before them! I’ve got to say some luck was on their side this leg of the race. Tyler knowing Japanese? 100 times better than the Mother/Daugther team earlier in the race knowing Spanish. An Asian speaking Hippy? Who knew? Luckily the minutes they shaved off in Japan saved their tye-dye butts in Anchorage when they kept walking by the snowshoes. Were they channeling Fran and Barry or what??? This season was awesome and the Hippies totally redeemed The Amazing Race to me after last season’s Family Edition fiasco. *gag*
THIS WEEK, Final Leg – 2nd
THIS WEEK, 1st Leg – 2nd, arrived at 12:20pm
LAST WEEK – 2nd, arrived at 1:21pm
The Sickening Frat Boys (Eric and Jeremy) – Sigh. I hated these guys all season. However, now that it’s over, I’m – and I hate to admit this – going to miss them. For all the sexist comments and idiocy, you notice that they *NEVER* fought? These two were tighter than Beavis and Butthead. Truthfully, they’d make a wonderful gay married couple. I’ll bet the Hippies would buy them a nice engagement gift.
THIS WEEK, Final Leg – 3rd
THIS WEEK, 1st Leg – 3rd, arrived at 3:01pm (non-elimination)
LAST WEEK – 3rd, arrived at 1:28pm
Ray and Yolanda - C’mon. Was it a surprise? I think winning the million dollars would have torn them apart so third place was really a blessing in disguise. Cement your relationship first guys, go to the Frat Boys gay wedding, party with the Hippies, *then* start working on that first million.
EXTRA – Anyone else notice Monica’s face at the end when the Hippies won? Hahahaha… What a wonderful addition to winning the million dollars. 
My brother and I still have our tape submitted for the next Amazing Race so hopefully next time, I won’t be writing to you here! Yeah right. Sure. Hey, if Hippies can win a million dollars, this geek could at least get a shot! TTOW!
test post
*** addendum May 18th, 2006 ***
Okay, geez, people! I put up this post to test the “subscribe to comments” feature and work on adding avatars users can add to their comments. I end up getting as many comments for a two word “test post” as I do on other *real* posts! What a bunch of comedians you are! So, it stays.
The Amazing Race – Season 9 – Episode 11
THIS WEEK – 1st
LAST WEEK – 4th, arrived at 1:22pm
Hippies (BJ and Tyler) – “We’ve made a date with elimination, and been stood up.” Yes, Tyler, and two times at that! It was a wild ride, from the oddest start I’ve ever seen with BJ in only undies and no shoes, to a first place finish after eating humongous bowls of fried grasshoppers and crickets at the fast forward. “Dude, you’ve got a little cricket on your face!” Karma beats Mojo in the end. Hippies ROCK! ‘Nuff said.
THIS WEEK – 2nd
LAST WEEK – 2nd, arrived at 1:20pm
The Sickening Frat Boys (Eric and Jeremy) – So, we’re down to the end and the Frat boys have only become stronger. I’m a bit worried that very soon there is going to be a million dollars blown on hookers and beer. Sigh. I was *really* hoping for a rabid monkey attack this episode. Okay, okay, they did give BJ on the Hippy team a pair of sandals at the beginning of the race, so maybe wishing for rabid monkeys isn’t too nice. How about a monkey attack without rabies? Phil could have been standing by on the sidelines with tranquilizer darts and then *accidentally* missed with both shots and hit these two monkeys instead. Yeah, that would have been pretty cool too.
THIS WEEK – 3rd
LAST WEEK – 1st, arrived at 1:13pm
Ray and Yolanda - These two have picked up a lot of momentum – but is it enough to carry them all the way? They did arrive first last week, but after seeing the departure times this week, it was only by 7 minutes and this week they narrowly avoided elimination! With the final race for the million, the pressure is really on and they need to count on the other two teams making more mistakes than they do next week. If they can stay cool and let the Frats and Hippies duke it out, they might just have a chance. Last but not least, best sportsmanship award in a tight race goes to Yolanda for giving BJ her purple pants.
THIS WEEK – 4th – ELIMINATED
LAST WEEK – 3rd, arrived at 1:21pm
Mo Jo (Joseph and Monica) – I least I’ve grown to “love to hate” the Frats. These two, I’m glad to see go. If only it could have been earlier, like the first time they started talking and we got to see what an insepid Barbie doll and verbally abusive Ken doll they turned out to be. Wherever they end up living, I hope tie-dyed hippies move in on either side of their house. TTOW!