You do not look cool!
You all look like this guy.
So, stop it.
Archive for March, 2006
So, like, I’m in the used bookstore and I see this book on Adobe.
Which product? What version???
I opened it up and umm… well… it *was* Adobe.
Mud huts. Version 1.0.
I’m such a geek.
The entire scope of the universe…
…summed up at the Border’s discount table.
Both books 50% off too. 
The Amazing Race - Season 9 - Episode 5
Recap = Spoilers. Just ask my brother Keith.
Hippies (BJ and Tyler) - Hot diggity dog! Go Hippy Power! Did anybody else notice their shirts this episode? One said “Bowling” and the other said “Moms”. Remember the “Bowling Moms” team (Linda and Karen) from The Amazing Race 5? Makes me wonder if I’ve missed anything else with these guys.
The Sickening Frat Boys (Eric and Jeremy) - These two talk about “getting chicks” all the time but now that “the sure thing” twins are out of the race, they’re just going to have to settle for each other. They come in second and act all mopey about it. I love Phil’s reaction, “Couldn’t you guys be a *little* more excited?”
Mo Jo (Joseph and Monica) - Well, they weren’t invisible this time around. She turned into Jessica Simpson (post Dukes of Hazzard ditzy version) and he tried to go to “Palamino” Italy. Whoa. Looks like “IQ points” are equal to “boiling point” with this team from the preview we saw of next episode where they have a major meltdown.
Old Couple (Fran and Barry) - These two are the comeback kings. I’d solidly accept “middle of the pack” at this stage of the game. I was worried for a moment they were going to try and carry the 110 pound bell, but they chose the laundry and whipped through it pretty fast (well, as fast as you can tell from the show’s editing). Good: I liked his remark that younger teams might not know what a clothes pin is. So-So: I wonder if they would have tripped up on building the statue if they hadn’t heard another team say it had two extra pieces. Bad: When they were within seconds of the pitstop and another team asked them directions to the roadblock, he responded “Can’t tell you.” Was that really necessary at that stage? I predict bad karma for that one.
Married Parents (Lake and Michelle) - I can just see the proud faces of their children watching as Daddy talks about “those sons of bitches” referring to the other teams and “fat boy” referring to David. Nice. Real nice. I notice she stays out of arguments with him by pumping up his overinflated ego too. I can just see the two of them at the pitstop. Him: “Honey, after you unpack the bags, go get me a chicken-pot-pie!” Her: “Oh, I will, and it’ll be perfect and hot, just like you!” *insert vomiting sound here* And what was the deal with yielding The Pinks? Bad strategy. Wasted their yield power for the rest of the race and used it on a team that wasn’t a threat. Doh.
Young Love (David and Lori) - I’ll say it again, these two just need some self confidence! I’d love to air-drop Dr. Phil into the race to give them a little pep talk. Heck, maybe they can just stop into a local library and check out a copy of “The Little Engine That Could”. It was downright painful to watch her build that statue like, three times, and not figure out there were two extra pieces while he kept yelling “It’s gotta be part of the thigh!” over and over.
Ray and Yolanda - I’m not exactly sure *what* happened to these guys. If Team Redneck hadn’t yielded The Pinks, I’m pretty sure they would have been out of it. Not a lot to say about these two this time around. I think they’ll make a good comeback next time.
The Pinks (Danielle and Dani) - Na na na na! Na na na na! Hey hey hey! GOOD-BYE!!! Okay, I’ll admit that I almost felt sorry for them when they got yielded - but only because that was an idiot move by Team Redneck and even The Pinks were surprised that anyone considered them a threat. Don’t worry girls, I’m sure Playboy and Larry Flynt both have messages on your answering machines.
Looking at the stats for my website, I found some really weird search terms that brought people to some page of my blog. Here are the top searches for March. I bolded the *really* weird ones. To me, weird is that people were either searching for the phrase in the first place or that they ended up on my site because of it!
“scary commercials” - 93 searches
What’s up with this??? I think there must be a college project or something… If anyone knows, please tell me. I’m dying of curiousity.
“scott cramer” or variations of my name - 21 searches
“amazing race” related - 17 searches
bootyville - 4 searches
Thanks Keith… This one is all your fault! But you are right. Bootyville just makes a person smile.
ups overload - 4 searches
stripperella - 4 searches
ransackery - 2 searches
stop vomiting now - 2 searches
snatch poker kit - 4 searches
educational value dora - 2 searches
Hehehe! I bet they were surprised to end up here of all places!
1440 x 900 - 2 searches
“flava flav” related - 4 searches
That’s right folks! Looks like I’m branching into the hip-hop audiences.
“screaming flying monkeys” - 4 searches
petting sharks - 2 searches
working dazewho wrote soylent green
top ten tv series august 2002
who wrote the wedding march
It *certainly* wasn’t me.
“doctor steven greer” related - 2 searches
simindiana
inxs
permanent marker wrong side of cd-r
sam`s club playhouse
white and pasty guys
Somebody actually searched for this… On purpose. Eww.
anti-crime technology sprint ad
pop goes the weasel tivo
band-aid bandages theme song
There’s a theme song???
frat business guy
miami vice don johnson wrist watch
There’s a wrist watch? And somebody *wants* it???
fcc radio playlist feed
how to half pop popcorn
tivo partial problem
who wrote 2001
wrote do you want fries with that
pokemon championship team
windows trademark lindows linspire
the television are the negative or postive affect on people`s lives
That’s just silly. Television isn’t negative. Geez.
spank soap mother
Umm… Okay… Weird.
sister & brother show other how other s body is under panties
I’m not even sure I *want* to know. Gotta love the internet.
linspire rant
who wrote friends in low places?
who wrote the poem sleep
bio of jeff foxworthy
who wrote young love
trouble with breasts
And they ended up at my site… Plus, what trouble???
laptop photoshop dreamweaver
junkyard wars show airs
red neck police
sister & brother see other in colored panties
Okay, it’s scary when I start seeing a theme with this.
my brain`s full
tribute to mom
tivo pop goes the weasel
headlights turn themselves off
ebay sucks blog
watch my girlfriend
frat boy tied up
i know my brother wears my panties
If you’re counting, that’s, like, 3 similar to this. Eww. Keith, is there something weird you’d like to tell the rest of the family???
scott long skid marks
This must be another Keith rumor. That’s all I can figure. Curse you brother!
how to seem unattainable dating
speed buggy cartoon
cigarette sandwich
Okay. Really. YUCK!
Saw “V for Vendetta” - and whoa. Story with social commentary, special effects action, *and* cool factor. It’ll be good on DVD but if you happen to read this, SEE IT ON THE BIG SCREEN!
“People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.”
Here are some posters and a couple shots of the character “V” - just because I’m jazzed about the film and want to post them.
Click on any of the pics for a larger image…
How not to move a parked car.
A week or two ago one of the delivery drivers at our warehouse was on a run and “name deleted to protect the guilty” needed to move his car so a semi could back in to the delivery dock.
Sane person says, “Leave parked car alone and drive the forklift out to the semi for the one or two pallets being dropped off.”
“Name deleted to protect the guilty” says, “Put a wooden pallet under the car and jack it up with the forklift!” *insert Tim Allen manly laugh here*
They stopped when the car was off the ground and a loud *SNAP* echoed across the parking lot and into the warehouse. Hopefully it was just the wooden pallet with a several ton car sitting on it. Gee, I would have thought that would hold just fine.
Me, I park in the grass now.
American Idol is getting too big for it’s britches. Putting the results show up against a new episode of LOST? Duh. Now if it were down to the final four or something, maybe that would be different - people might at least try to record one and watch one. Maybe even up against a repeat of LOST, but come on, up against a new one? Silly network execs.
The only reason I even switched over on the commercials was to see how drugged up and rediculous Paula Abdul looks. What’s up with that anyway? Let’s vote her off the show and bring in Cindy Lauper. Now that would be a hoot. “Got ‘ya in a head-lock Simon, whatcha gonna do?”
The Amazing Race - Season 9 - Episode 4
Recap = Spoilers. You have been warned. Okay, Keith?
The Sickening Frat Boys (Eric and Jeremy) - First to the mat at the half and first to the mat at the end of the game. On the plus side, with the way The Pinks race, we don’t have to worry much about these two teams hooking up during the race. Then again, maybe if they did then they’d both oversleep or something. I might even tolerate The Pinks if the boys woke up tied to a hotel bed together with no clothes or wallets. There’s probably some stupid rule about S&M during the race, though. Hmm… maybe they’d *BOTH* be eliminated then!!!
Hippies (BJ and Tyler) - Favorite #1 - They gave Phil a tip at the mat. The look on his face was priceless. Favorite #2 - The pokey “old west miner dance” while they searched for the Travelocity Gnome. Favorite #3 - Jumping out and scaring the hell out of The Sickening Frat Boys (yeah, so what if it was last episode). Favorite #4 - “Hello Santa!” CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, SOMEBODY GIVE THESE TWO A SITCOM!
Married Parents (Lake and Michelle) - If you love Nascar and Lederhosen, then this is the episode for you!!! If only someone had switched the “stunt” beer bottles at the detour in Germany that they were smashing over their heads with *REAL* ones. Ahh… Hilarity would have ensued! Okay, to give them some props, they didn’t argue quite as much. Plus the scene in the car where he had to tell her to be encouraging. When she started saying “Go baby! You can do it!” It was almost romantic. *wink*
Old Couple (Fran and Barry) - They are winning me back. Maybe it just took a couple legs of the race to get limbered up. Map-reading was definately their forte this episode. I thought the strange German slap-dance was going to be their downfall, but they pulled it out! Perhaps there is something to say for the Lawrence Welk era. Yeah, I know. Cheap shot.
Young Love (David and Lori) - I still like these guys but they really need to start believing in themselves! I think they are choking under pressure. It was cute how guilty they felt when they “told a white lie” to another team about not knowing the direction to go. If they end up in Rome, I’m betting they’ll even hit the confessional on that one.
Mo Jo (Joseph and Monica) - If they can make it down to the final four, I might start recognizing them. They seem nice, though. I bet the producers are just downplaying them because there isn’t any drama. So, I hope they make it further.
Ray and Yolanda - They made fun of Mo Jo when they switched from breaking bottles to dancing. Then Mo Jo nailed it. Na na na! Then they switched, and nailed it! Umm… that’s all I remember about them this race. I think they have taken my “team invisible” prize for this week.
The Pinks (Danielle and Dani) - Oh fate, WHY do you tease me so much? They were *ALMOST* out. But noooooo, Dora the Explorer couldn’t find the damn gnome. Sigh. Since they did make it to the end, though, how about Phil putting on the rubber gloves before taking the gnome? Too funny!
Mother / Daughter (Wanda and Desiree) - “We did it! We did it! We did it! Yay!” Wait a minute, no they didn’t. I have three letters that could have kept these two in the race. M A P. Like, you know you are going on The Amazing Race. Learn to read one. The only truly unfair thing was The Pinks were *FOLLOWING* them and still managed to beat them. Grr.
I’ve been blogging for almost 5 years. My girlfriend has been blogging for about 5 months, give or take half the entire first month. Comcast’s homepage has a list of links for what they call “The Net Nine” where you can “Find the Latest on the Web’s Hottest Topics”. One of the topics is “Search: Lost Theories” and at the time of this writing, a page of her site is tops on the list!
My stats for the day… about 25 visitors.
Her stats for the day… about 2100 visitors!
AND she has my TiVo now. Tomorrow I lock up the family jewels.