I got a call last night. FOX broadcasting wants to buy the rights to my idea for running political races in the same format as their new smash hit American Idol! They’ve even reinstituted the swim-suit competition to draw in the over 60 demographic. Expect to see a lot more Bob Dole Viagra commercials. Contestants, err, I mean candidates, will even go through a grueling physical challenge each week. Issue dodging, backpedaling, and dwarf throwing. Verne Troyer, popular Austin Powers movie actor (the short one), is reported to be up at arms - he says the idea is demeaning to dwarves. He threatens to rally the bottom third of America against the show unless we take out the politics.
Archive for August, 2002
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Now you can have that Taco Bell indigestion any time without ever leaving your own house!
How old is Morgan Fairchild anyway? I did a little searching on the ‘net and found a birth date of February 3rd, 1950. Have any of you been watching the Old Navy commercials recently? Ponce de Leon had it all wrong. He didn’t need a fountain, just a polar fleece and a rugby shirt.
They call it a two party system - but it doesn’t seem very fun to me.
What if we ran our political races more like the hit television series American Idol?
Right off the bat - ditch the two party system and gather up all the would-be Presidents, Governors, Senators, Congressmen, what have you, and group them together in one place. Start off with a group of journalists and political consultants and narrow down each pack to a hopeful grouping of 5 to 10 (that is, if we can muster that many potential candidates for a position). After that, let’s get them up on stage over a series of weeks in front of the viewing public and put them through some political paces. I’m envisioning a round panel question and answer session the first week on opinions and solutions relating to current public affairs - and maybe a personal question thrown in here and there for a mental speed-bump. Open up those 1-800 numbers for each candidate and come back the next night to find out who didn’t make the cut.
Round two - Since most political hopefuls come into vogue after their physical prime, I’m nixing the swimsuit competition in favor of a foreign policy face-off. We could still keep it kind of bawdy, though, by letting them wear Hawaiian print shirts, and perhaps cut-offs - if they sign a waiver agreeing not to wear the dress argyle socks at the same time.
More voting… Bye-bye yet another hopeful.
Once we’re down to the final two or three, THEN we heat it up a bit. We’ve got a whole slew of ex-Presidents and other political office-holders eking out meager livings we could bring on the show - think that MTV show Beat the Geek - to put our wannabe office holders through some real life scenario questions and answers. I’ll bet Gorby would jump at the chance to come in and host the “Cold War Double Points Round”.
The possibilities are endless! Politics and cheap network programming - primaries and sweeps weeks all rolled into one exciting package! Heck, think of all the free air time during commercial breaks for anti-drug ads… Who doesn’t own a TV in American society? Well, maybe the Amish, but we could put together troupes of hungry “Shakespeare in the Park” actors to do live show interpretations if need be. See, this idea even helps with unemployment!
We’re ready and waiting network execs! I’ve got the popcorn in the microwave, a six-pack on the table, and AT&T ready to take my votes!
I think I posted months back ranting against reality TV shows - but I’ve really fallen for Fox’s new American Idol. Modeled after a British series with the same format, Americans get a chance to pick one of their next up and coming music superstars. We’re really making a big deal out of it too. I’ve seen coverage on many of the major news stations, including CNN, speculating the next idol candidate to get the axe. Each show is reminiscent of a musical debate as each contestant vies to capture the American populace’s heart and mind - and vote. The following day we witness the culling of the pack and one singer’s concessional goodbye as they are dropped from the race. The show claims to be breaking records with every episode for the number of votes cast. This is a democratic country and we eat this stuff up! The irony doesn’t escape me, however, that we as a people have more input and excitement - and trust that our votes mean something to the outcome - in picking an American Singing Idol than we do an American President.
A few days ago I used the term “Meat Robot” to describe the brainless sector of our workforce commonly found manning the counters at fast food restaurants. I like the term and feel it’s an appropriate description for a subsection of the working public. However, I feel the need to clarify that I’m not just knocking low paying or entry level jobs - not even singling out the fast food industry. A Meat Robot - in any industry - brings nothing to the table beyond a body able to perform some mechanical task. They’re almost less customer friendly and just as unable to expand upon their jobs as their mechanical counterparts. Also, most ATM machines don’t give me attitude or scare me that I’m going to run into them in the parking lot later. Why hire them? Ultimately they’re still cheaper than their industrial robotic replacements.
You come across a Meat Robot and your best hope is that you get whatever product or service that you paid for and make it away from the interaction with a minimum of stress and negative feelings. As far as I’m concerned the future of our national labor development is a race. A race between the ability to make an actual mechanical replacement to the Meat Robots that is affordable to the business community, and the implementation of an educational/training program for entry level employees that imparts some humanity back into the Meat Robot shells - as opposed to just pinning on a nametag. Cold steel and gears or flesh and blood? I’m hoping for the latter solution to win the race, but the crass American consumer in me ultimately doesn’t care so long as my drive-thru meal comes out right and I can get through a grocery check-out lane in less than forty minutes.