You can read it.
It started snowing earlier than normal this year. I can only imagine how many calls the health department got.
“Oh my GOD! There’s white powder falling from the sky!!! It’s covering the entire city!”
*insert Christmas music here - It’s beginning to look a lot like… ANTHRAX! Everrrry-where you gooooo…..*
Sigh. You gotta wonder how much I’m actually joking here.
Went through the drive thru at Rally’s for a hamburger. While I was waiting at the pick-up window I saw some superhero promotional stickers on the sliding glass window. Cool! I didn’t order the kid’s meal, but I really wanted to get some of these - hey, I’m a fan! The girl came to the window and I tried to be all suave, cute, and charming as I asked if I might be able to please have a few of the superhero stickers. I thought about throwing in that they were for my young child (but, hey that would be a lie!) and besides I could see I was already in the zone (so I didn’t need the “for my child” line I had already prepared).
The girl looked to both sides behind her quickly and then whispered that she would give me a couple of them - and smiled. Yes!!! So, along with my change, I got Spider-Man AND the Incredible Hulk - the two coolest ones they had! Cha-CHING! I pulled my car forward and at the same time one thought popped into my mind.
Whoa, I’m a ho!
I looked down at the two mass produced (but, hey, still COOL) superhero window stickers in my lap emblazoned with the words, “Rally’s. Gotta Eat!” on them. And I changed my mind.
I’m a CHEAP-ass ho!
Man, I can only imagine what it must be like to be a hot chick.
You know when you say a word over and over and over again, how it disassociates from the actual meaning and starts to sound silly? Well, with all the news coverage of Afghanistan, I’ve come up with a top ten list…
Top 10 New Associations for the Word “Taliban” (after you’ve heard it fifty-million times in one day)
10) Fun for all ages - Parker Brothers new game Taliban!
9) The new Dodge Minivan - Taliban!
What was Johnny Quest’s dog’s name? Taliban?
7) Foot Fungus - I’ve got a bad case of the Taliban.
6) Some kind of European dark beer - pint of Taliban.
5) Slavic greeting - “Taliban!”, “Taliban to you also!”
4) Netscape’s new browser. Taliban 7.0.
3) Nascar race - The Taliban 500.
2) Villainous Star Trek alien race - Romulan, Klingon, Taliban!
1) Group of idiots about to be obliterated. Oh wait… That one’s real.
The War on Terrorism
The U.S. is airdropping food to Afghanistan at the same time that we’re bombing them. I’ve thought of a way we can better combine our collective efforts to fight and feed. You know those chain burger stands, like Rally’s or Checker’s, that pop up over night like weeds? They drive in a flatbed truck at midnight and offload the whole building in one trip, pop up a sign, and it’s fast-food breakfast time at 9am! We start loading those on those big airforce cargo planes and - here’s the secret ingredient - we staff them with inner city New York restaurant workers from the, shall we say, rougher neighborhoods.
Feed the refugees, shoot the terrorists.
Finally, something fast food can do to HELP America.
Nothing much new today in the “War on Terrorism”.
I would like to point out, though, that I havn’t heard much from Microsoft since September 11th. I’m not meaning court battles or restitution (or more appropriately, lack thereof). What I mean is you’d think that there would be at least SOMETHING heard from the camp of the richest man in the world. Something along the lines of, “Hey survivors of the attack, you’ve suffered enough without having to worry about financial crisis too. Let us here at Microsoft give all the support you need to get through this terrible time for America, nay, [dramatic Microsoft pause] for the free world.”
The only Microsoft I’ve seen is the “MS” in MSNBC.
Perhaps Bill is being quiet - you know, not wanting to take advantage of the situation and doing his charitable deeds anonymously. Perhaps. I’ll give him benefit of the doubt. Heck, why not? I thought Windows 2000 was going to really kick butt too.
I havn’t updated this blog in a while. First there were billable jobs to attend to, then Mr. Mom hours started taking their toll, then on Septermber 11th, the terrorist attacks on the WTC and Pentagon set me in front of MSNBC every night offsetting 34 years of blissful ignorance.
I am, like the rest of the non-terrorist brainwashed world, saddened deeply by the events. However, I’ve reached the point where I’m pissed off at the news media and their countless bleeding heart psycho-babble “talk to the children” and “mother/wife of the victim” reports. If you keep picking at the scab, the wound will never heal.
And speaking of the media, how about we broadcast even more information about troops and weapons? Let’s see a few more reports on possible Taliban attack/defense scenarios. Hell, the Taliban doesn’t need military strategists. We supplied them with many of their weapons years ago and now, courtesy of CNN, MSNBC, and others, we’ll supply them with endless battle scenarios to use against our troops. All they need to do is set their decadent western-made VCR’s to record, get together the troop leaders and make a few adjustments to the plans. Deadly plagiarism. The irony is our news agencies help thwart the armed force’s very efforts to protect our news people’s right to such stupidity. Let’s put them on the front line and see how much information they want to report then.