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“No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just...come out the other side. Or don't.”
by Stephen King The Stand
Monthly Archives: July 2001
Eleanor Rigby in my head
I was walking through the halls at work whistling Eleanor Rigby… I wasn’t whistling the original Beatles version, though, I was whistling the remake by an industrial group (think heavy metal meets grunge) named Godhead. Unfortunately, the original Eleanor Rigby … Continue reading
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Farm Girls and Corn Knives
You know you married a farm-girl when in casual conversation you hear the phrase, “I inherited the family corn knife.”
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Note to all four readers – Blog on Break
Oy Vey! I’ve been working on several projects (translation = billable hours to feed my family!) and my blogging has fallen a tad behind… I’ll break for a couple days and regail all four of you readers with more inane … Continue reading
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Adult Decisions, Pop-Tarts, and Magnets
I really wanted to get the blueberry Pop-Tarts. However, the strawberry Pop-Tarts included a free Cartoon Network magnet. As an adult, the clear choice is to purchase what you are going to eat and sensibly ignore the childish advertising gimmicks. … Continue reading
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Cigarettes, Society, and McDonald's Sandwich Wrappers
Where exactly on the cigarette packaging does it say, “Okay to litter”? I mean, why is it that smokers are immune from the social laws that say we won’t throw our garbage in the street? Or the beach? Or pitch … Continue reading
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Baby Clothes and Vegas Prostitutes
My wife and I picked up a new outfit for our one-year-old daughter at a small children’s store. It’s a seventies retro kind of design. Reddish velvet pants and a blue-jean material top with fluffy red faux-fur cuffs and collar … Continue reading
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Netscape, Napster, and Porno
Let’s call it truthfully… Netscape – Something children may read about in history books; until corporations take over public schools and Microsoft eliminates all references to add insult to injury. Napster – They’re like the porno actress who goes legit … Continue reading
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Baby Radar Theorem
Baby Radar Theorem: Babies are most likely to grab anything within arm’s reach that is not a toy; especially important paperwork, pointy things, or electronic devices%*( o9p8&P*()(*&&&&&&&&&&******( Such as keyboards.
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Baby Radar Experiment
Baby Radar Experiment: Fuzzy Toy Animal Fork Fuzzy Toy Animal Fork Mommy: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” (grabs fork, gestures threateningly, and implies our daughter may be an only child) Science is such a forgotten art.
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Order the Smothered Chicken
The hostess at a restaurant was pointing out the specials for the evening. There was a rather delicious looking soup with a name I can not pronounce, let alone try and spell, an appetizer made in part of spinach and … Continue reading
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My Sopranos Moment
My wife and I visited Cleveland over the weekend and ate at a small restaurant in Little Italy. When I first heard Cleveland had a Little Italy, I figured it was a strip mall with a couple chain Italian restaurants … Continue reading
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Friday the 13th of Microsoft
Ah, yes, Friday the 13th. My computer didn’t want to boot up into Windows and recognize my mouse, Internet Explorer crashed on half the sites I tried to visit, and Outlook kept shutting down because of an unknown error. Pretty … Continue reading
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Vacation time is a sham! Middle management exposed!
It was pointed out to me recently by a friend of mine that in the traditional work-world – you know, the one where you go somewhere you don’t really want to be to do things you don’t really want to … Continue reading
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Schroedinger’s Bridge
It was pretty late at night and I could barely see the road ahead of me. I was going about 70 miles per hour and getting ready to crest a hill when suddenly I had to stop the car. You … Continue reading
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Dee-Licious Faygo Cola
My wife bought me some cola from the grocery. The label reads: Genuine Faygo Dee-licious™ Rock & Rye! Artificially Flavored Creme Cola I didn’t check before drinking it. I guess I got pretty lucky it was the Dee-licious™ version.
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Insurance Companies Suck
Insurance companies suck. Okay, to be fair, maybe they are just the purest form of “sell your mother down the river for a buck” capitalism. They’ve bypassed the whole supply and demand concept unless you make it supply and demand-that-you-have-it-in-order-to-live. … Continue reading
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Daylight Savings Time and Star Trek
Okay, by who’s standards is today not really yesterday? I mean, I haven’t been to sleep yet so it’s still a physical day for me. I live in Indiana so it only complicates matters more with the non observance of … Continue reading
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Things to teach your 1 year old
Good things to teach your 1-year-old daughter: “Mom-ma.” “Dad-da.” “Patty-cake.” Bad things to teach your 1-year-old daughter: “@#$%^& Microsoft!” “[ring] Hello? [pause] No, I do not want to switch my long distance. Now kindly please [censor] yourself and [censor] [censor] … Continue reading
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Tech Support for Zorro
I got to my desk at a client’s where I do some technical support work. Sitting on my chair was a streaky colored printout of a report, completely illegible in a wide stripe down the center of the page. A … Continue reading
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My Daughter, Eyelashes, and Drag Queens
My daughter has gorgeous long eyelashes which my wife always points out to people came from me. After she says that, I like to chime in seriously with, “Yes, they come in great when I go out in drag.” I’m … Continue reading
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