Monthly Archives: July 2001

I was walking through the halls at work whistling Eleanor Rigby… I wasn’t whistling the original Beatles version, though, I was whistling the remake by an industrial group (think heavy metal meets grunge) named Godhead. Unfortunately, the original Eleanor Rigby … Continue reading →

You know you married a farm-girl when in casual conversation you hear the phrase, “I inherited the family corn knife.”

I really wanted to get the blueberry Pop-Tarts. However, the strawberry Pop-Tarts included a free Cartoon Network magnet. As an adult, the clear choice is to purchase what you are going to eat and sensibly ignore the childish advertising gimmicks. … Continue reading →

Where exactly on the cigarette packaging does it say, “Okay to litter”? I mean, why is it that smokers are immune from the social laws that say we won’t throw our garbage in the street? Or the beach? Or pitch … Continue reading →

My wife and I picked up a new outfit for our one-year-old daughter at a small children’s store. It’s a seventies retro kind of design. Reddish velvet pants and a blue-jean material top with fluffy red faux-fur cuffs and collar … Continue reading →

Let’s call it truthfully… Netscape – Something children may read about in history books; until corporations take over public schools and Microsoft eliminates all references to add insult to injury. Napster – They’re like the porno actress who goes legit … Continue reading →

Baby Radar Theorem: Babies are most likely to grab anything within arm’s reach that is not a toy; especially important paperwork, pointy things, or electronic devices%*( o9p8&P*()(*&&&&&&&&&&******( Such as keyboards.

Baby Radar Experiment: Fuzzy Toy Animal Fork Fuzzy Toy Animal Fork Mommy: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” (grabs fork, gestures threateningly, and implies our daughter may be an only child) Science is such a forgotten art.

The hostess at a restaurant was pointing out the specials for the evening. There was a rather delicious looking soup with a name I can not pronounce, let alone try and spell, an appetizer made in part of spinach and … Continue reading →

My wife and I visited Cleveland over the weekend and ate at a small restaurant in Little Italy. When I first heard Cleveland had a Little Italy, I figured it was a strip mall with a couple chain Italian restaurants … Continue reading →

Ah, yes, Friday the 13th. My computer didn’t want to boot up into Windows and recognize my mouse, Internet Explorer crashed on half the sites I tried to visit, and Outlook kept shutting down because of an unknown error. Pretty … Continue reading →

It was pointed out to me recently by a friend of mine that in the traditional work-world – you know, the one where you go somewhere you don’t really want to be to do things you don’t really want to … Continue reading →

It was pretty late at night and I could barely see the road ahead of me. I was going about 70 miles per hour and getting ready to crest a hill when suddenly I had to stop the car. You … Continue reading →

My wife bought me some cola from the grocery. The label reads: Genuine Faygo Dee-licious™ Rock & Rye! Artificially Flavored Creme Cola I didn’t check before drinking it. I guess I got pretty lucky it was the Dee-licious™ version.

Insurance companies suck. Okay, to be fair, maybe they are just the purest form of “sell your mother down the river for a buck” capitalism. They’ve bypassed the whole supply and demand concept unless you make it supply and demand-that-you-have-it-in-order-to-live. … Continue reading →

Okay, by who’s standards is today not really yesterday? I mean, I haven’t been to sleep yet so it’s still a physical day for me. I live in Indiana so it only complicates matters more with the non observance of … Continue reading →

Good things to teach your 1-year-old daughter: “Mom-ma.” “Dad-da.” “Patty-cake.” Bad things to teach your 1-year-old daughter: “@#$%^& Microsoft!” “[ring] Hello? [pause] No, I do not want to switch my long distance. Now kindly please [censor] yourself and [censor] [censor] … Continue reading →

I got to my desk at a client’s where I do some technical support work. Sitting on my chair was a streaky colored printout of a report, completely illegible in a wide stripe down the center of the page. A … Continue reading →

My daughter has gorgeous long eyelashes which my wife always points out to people came from me. After she says that, I like to chime in seriously with, “Yes, they come in great when I go out in drag.” I’m … Continue reading →